chapter 13 - sesuatu yg digelar ke'poyo'an

i'm soooooo into lagu cinta dalam hati by ungu...konon2 mcm frust la...kononnye la kan...
my luggage to date? 23kg++..hand luggage? 13kg kot..strategy nk lepas kastam...buat muka student, senyum a lot, check-in awal, bawak cash 20pound je, pakai serabut2...n wish sume org merry christmas!!!! (dalam hati..doa byk2) -i've become a luggage freak-

lately,
bila sume org (friends) plan nak kawen very soon but not that soon, i join them too. the more the merrier..plan..baik punya plan..bila makcik2 pn dah ikut nk plan (siap cucuk2 mak lagi), kita plan lagi advance..like, what colour, where to shopping (my sista dah ada list dah), what date...080808 mcm sgt fofular...20082008 pn fofular gak...my wedding planner to date? my 2 sistas, my sistas in law, my anak2, my mum (leader), my makciks n pakciks, n kezens...tenkiu abang2 kerana membiarkan hidup saya aman...
my calon to date? ....................................................
can u hear cengkerik? i thought like i just heard one...

my wedding plan to date? wallahh....berapi...kalah org nk kawen esok..i told my mum, my kaler tema, merah + hitam...wahahahahaha...giler evil..tp tu plan je la kan..plan ke? x pun..saja nk nyebok..amik feel...

my short term plan? nak goda pakcik kastam kat airport biar bg lepas luggage overweight..tu ah..time beli2 x pk sume tu...tp...buku kat sini murah..cane?
nak kedip2 mata, senyum2, buat muka innocent (yg selalunye dpt tipu famili gue)..n sume ni, akan dilaksanakan pada hari ahad..with my ability to mengorat.....mcm xde harapan...~hopeless eli~

my mid term plan? cuti2..jalan2..tido2....apa mid term plan? ntah...

my azam tahun baru? saya ingin menambah ketinggian dan anak2...20 to 22...uikkk...nak kena buat tabung duit raya dah ni...

my brain now? shutting down..i'm back home..i'm floating...i'm flying...

chapter 12 - luggage..huhhh....

another week...hmmm...the luggage? blame it to 20kg limit by MAS n heathrow airport. i'm so tense rite now...thinking bout the luggage...books that i bought, hand blender, add up everything...20kg++...arggghhhhh....
i forbid myself from further shopping. that's it. enough...

positive side...
another week to go...hohoho..at last..my makabah, my anak2, my bed, my neo, my..everything. i wanna watch enchanted, resident evil, back to back cinema/dvd (if i'm not too sleepy during the day), take the picture of eye of malaysia, lepak with the gals, watch astro...normal life. again.
my comfort zone.

chapter 11 - one very cold morning

this time, next 2 week, insyaAllah, i will be at a very different place. warmer..

i learn a lot lately. but what i really treasure is, i can drive manual car in this wheather..really proud of myself...
i learn to appreciate..everything..every little things that i have..
and i think i'm healed..in sense that, i learned more about myself..
and believe that everything is ok..
and a smile, is never a waste..

"You have to do the best with what God gave you." - Forrest Gump's mama

chapter 10 - Selamat Pagi Malaysia...

its 5.44am in Malaysia...bangun2..g keje..isnin nih..
i dont usually awake at this hour..not on monday..and normally hating the thought of getting up early, getting ready for work and the traffic...
missing that feeling..and my pink selipar jepun..
rindu nak pakai sipar jepun..
me now? i'm supposed to write my fifth week report...but, the thought of malaysia early in the morning made me feels like writing this..
its been 5 weeks..3 more weeks to go..i already list the meal i want to eat once i get back..on top of the list...tempe goreng..followed by, masak lemak sayur, kicap bilal, n i really missed ikan kembung...
fish here? very classy..ikan laut utara yg x berpeluh, kaya dgn minyak omega, sah2 hancur kalo masak kari..ikan scott emulsion..
duhhh...i'm just a simple budak jawa who loves tempe..
what if i call mak at this hour? sure dia tekezut..x tido lagi anak aku ni...hehehe...sok je la...eh jap...tunggu kul 3 ptg kang la...time mak tgh tgk cite liontin..kaco mak tgk tv..heeee...jahat betul anak dia...

waaa...kul seploh dah ni...tulis report eli, pastu tido..sok keje...

chapter 9 - haze..it's a bit warmer today; 8deg..

listening to my new indon-malay-english playlist...suka..pandai eli pilih lagu...
currently, amik feel nak buat INCA 101-INCA for dummy..balik kang kena ajar bebudak tu..so, kena buat user manual utk diri sendiri dulu..

how about me? seseme...sakit tekak...batuk...my voice? its either sengau or rockers...idong blocked ah..ingus beku dah...
4 weeks to go..n then, warm air...warm water..no more peti ais...englishmen, depa pakai 5 lapis baju..padan la nmpak macho..kita org malaysia ni, pakai 2 lapis je...today? saya pakai 4 lapis..hehehehe...kena jaga diri sendiri, jgn smpai demam...jadi doktor diri sendiri..mak xde nk manja2...

okeh, dapat feel dah..INCA 101, here i come...

chapter 8 - overloading n enjoying toblerone n listening to indonesian songs

my brain is basically overload...
with proton-lotus problem (which they said, don't think bout it) - i'm the victim here..of course i'll think about it..what if suddenly proton say, balik skarang!!
nak kemas beg lagik..satu hal..tukar tiket..2 hal...hadiah abah x carik lagik...sib baik mak setel dah..
with matlab block diagram...nice...kotak2...arrow2...pastu pusing2..pastu susun2..pastu...ntah..overload...
alamak..abes dah coklat...need more...lapar ah..
with INCA, yg user friendly but according to justin, its confusing somehow..n ralph..owh..i didn't know inca can do that..me? try n error..mcm dulu2 time memula guna gredi..tekan je pape..
huuu...rindu ah gredi..pcavs..winflash..pdt..blm..apa kabar keta tebakar tu ah?? hmmm

smalam, nak kfc..arini, nak nasik ayam, sok...nak apa tah...
sambal belacan dapat dah, sotong jugak, ikan jugak, nasik lemak gak, thanks kakak malaysian hall..sedap betul..rm3.50 utk sambal belacan n timun..xpe, sy bayar...hehehe...kemaruk sambal belacan..
imagining: nasik + sayur masak lemak putih + ikan kembung goreng + sambal belacan..
nice...
imagining: nasik + kicap bilal + ikan kembung goreng + ulam...
nice...

~smiling~

chapter 7 - bila rumput dah mula beku...

3 minggu dah...5 more weeks to go..i'm counting weeks, it has single digit in it..if days...35 more days..lama tuh...

missed my bed badly, automatic car (neoku), Oggy dan lipas2 (katun perancis hari ahad kul 9 pagi ntv7)..

here, ulat2 resdung tidak mengganas (beku kot ulat2 tu), tp...seafood pn jarang jumpa...belacan, xde..udang kering, xde...can u imagine my miserability?

4 or 5 of my friends are getting married and i'm not be able to attend it..obviously...when is my turn ah? nak kawen gak...malas la nk drive g keje ngadap jam hari2...tgk zaf jeles jek...ada org drivekan..
maria n acong pn dah menjadi...ejen dia ni, single lagik ni...kena buat fast track ah one day. potong sume org...bak kata sarah, kena ada planning..bila SOP, DQCM, PQCM, etc..n if it involves mat saleh, the list will be longer..hmmmm...
elehh...taun lepas buat planning gak..last2...tecampak kat sini..becinta..dgn enjen..huhhh...nk kata loser, x, nak kata ok, pn x gak...kat sini, kejenye, gayut ngan mak hari2..tp ok pe...anak yg baik tu namanye..
lapar ah...makan je kejenye..abes ah gemuk cani...asik2 coklat2..asik2 coklat..tp best...coklat x cair...keras je..suka...

arghhh...the weather makes me even more mengarut than normal..kembali ke pangkal jalan eli...kembali...
huhhh...abes keje dah...jalan2...suka...g jalan...

chapter 6 - i like....at last jumpa gak..hahaha

kalo bole buat ringtone kan best...hehehehe...
hatiku berbunga2...

3 bulan lepas..eli n en. daud...dok argue psl tajuk lagu nih...en daud betul..
joget2!!!
uikk...lunch time..makan...

chapter 5 - nak masak apa ahh arini???

its the most frequent question i ask roza and vice versa..makan ape ahh?? masak ape ahh???...n everyday, we will spend 5-10 mins planning our meals and 15-20 mins mesmerizing our fridge and cabinets (the contains)... planning what to buy, which to to give, to who..gift to anak2...toy la...and abg haq wants me to send his regards to mr. bean..i need to find encik kacang..kat mana ah...

today i spend around 1 hour trying to digest all the info mark gave (in our 2 1/2 hours training)..control systems, block diagram, MATLAB..feels like i'm back to my uni era which i left almost 2 years ago..feels like i'm doing my final project but only for 8 weeks, n need to understand everything...skolah balik nih...

positif thinking..kereta gen2...engine campro..plus..IDU, APS, Battery, 2 clutches, CVT, a lot of control units, touch screen, extra pumps, 1 starter/alternator, etc..n the engine bay looks really complicated (don't want to imagine the wiring harness), the engine shifted to the left a bit..the car battery is in the trunk...x lah teruk sgt kan...

i guess i need to do a lot of my theraphy sessions (shopping n jalan2)....pulang...

suhu skarang ialah..max 7..min 1...huuhuuhuuu...gegegege...

chapter 4 - L.O.V.E

the song is actually from the new coco chanel advertisement..
it's juz too catchy..no personal reason..

L is for the way you look at me
O is for the only one I see
V is very very extraordinary
E is even more than anyone that you adore and love

It's all that I can give to you
Love is more than just a game for two
Two in love can make it
Take my heart but please don't break it
Love was made for me and you

juz a conversation with ancun..

[12:54] abanghaq10: ada web cam tak
[12:54] elisunar: eli kat opis xde webcam
[12:54] elisunar: kat umah je ada webcam n headset
[12:55] elisunar: x bwk laptop g opis
[12:55] elisunar: berat
[12:55] abanghaq10: ada voice call tak
[12:55] elisunar: kat umah la..
[12:55] elisunar: sume complete
[12:55] elisunar: hehehehe
[12:55] elisunar: masa...tolak 8 dr malaysia
[12:56] abanghaq10: mak dah sampai umah acun
[12:56] elisunar: umah ancun ada internet ke?
[12:57] elisunar: uik??
[12:57] abanghaq10: ada yg free dari umah kak nani
[12:57] abanghaq10: pakai wifi
[12:57] elisunar: oooo...
[12:57] elisunar: x ilang2 pulak...
[12:57] abanghaq10: kalau kat umah mak curi umi punya
[12:58] abanghaq10: wa dah setting baik punya
[12:59] abanghaq10: tapi umi punya wifi tu selalu on & off
[12:59] abanghaq10: mak tanya u nak makan e
[13:00] elisunar: makan ke?
[13:00] elisunar: bwkk roti mkn kat meja..
[13:00] elisunar: mat saleh mkn cmtu gak..
[13:00] abanghaq10: kak nani suruh bawa kemera nak try fress con
[13:01] elisunar: try sok ke?
[13:01] elisunar: xnak ah..
[13:01] elisunar: pc lotus ni..
[13:01] elisunar: kalo kat umah tu ok la
[13:01] abanghaq10: kita guna skype but when
[13:02] elisunar: time eli slalu tepon mak ah
[13:02] elisunar: kt sini kul 5 pagi, kt sana kul 1 ptg
[13:02] elisunar: ok x?
[13:02] abanghaq10: time cuti ke
[13:02] elisunar: hari2 pn eli call mak time tu
[13:03] abanghaq10: nanti acun link gan skpye dulu
[13:03] abanghaq10: tak join member lagi
[13:03] elisunar: dload skype dulu
[13:03] elisunar: best tu menda tu
[13:04] elisunar: suka org yg cipta...
[13:04] abanghaq10: kat sana seronok tak
[13:05] elisunar: ok la...
[13:05] elisunar: sejuk...
[13:05] elisunar: dah 2 hari sgt sejuk
[13:05] abanghaq10: makan sedap tak
[13:05] elisunar: mkn eli masak la...
[13:05] elisunar: mesti la sedap...
[13:05] abanghaq10: masak ke makan benda dlm bungkusan
[13:05] elisunar: dedua..
[13:06] elisunar: kalo rajin, masak...
[13:06] elisunar: tgk dh gamba?
[13:06] abanghaq10: ada baju MU yg murah
[13:06] abanghaq10: blm
[13:07] elisunar: jersey, even jersey norwich pn haraga = 40pound
[13:07] abanghaq10: hantar kat email abanghaq@hotmail.com
[13:07] elisunar: pastu, made in china..
[13:07] elisunar: baik bli kat kl
[13:07] abanghaq10: tak payah la beli kat prtaling street dah le
[13:07] elisunar: betul2..
[13:08] elisunar: kalo eli bli sthing, eli nk bli menda yg payah nk dpt kat kl
[13:08] elisunar: ok x?
[13:08] elisunar: baru la spesel sket..
[13:09] elisunar: bila akim nak sunat?
[13:09] abanghaq10: ancun nak makan dulu lapar
[13:09] abanghaq10: nak chat gan adik tak
[13:09] elisunar: ceehhhh
[13:10] elisunar: abes kuar menda papetah
[13:10] abanghaq10: tak pasti tapi awal cuti akhir thn
[13:10] abanghaq10: dlm bulan 11 kot
[13:10] elisunar: bulan 11 dah la ni...
[13:10] elisunar: hmm..
[13:10] elisunar: dah2 g makan...
[13:11] elisunar: eli blk kang nk makan puas2...#
[13:11] abanghaq10: ada makan sedap kat carefour chef dari thai
[13:11] elisunar: baru eh
[13:12] abanghaq10: dia org buat promosi tak tahu sampai bila
[13:12] elisunar: alaaaaaaaaaaaa
[13:12] elisunar: huuuuuuu
[13:12] elisunar: waaaaaa
[13:13] abanghaq10: kak jah kata sedap ancun tak try lagi nanti ancun tlg mkn kan utk eli he he he
[13:13] elisunar: cess la
[13:13] elisunar: g ah makan..
[13:13] elisunar: makan kan skalik..
[13:14] abanghaq10: adik kata dia nk toy
[13:14] elisunar: hmmm...toy..roger
[13:14] abanghaq10: adik kata dia cyg bik eli
[13:15] elisunar: cyg adik jgk...
[13:15] abanghaq10: acun tanya adik bik eli kat mana dia kata eli kat taiping....he he he
[13:16] elisunar: taiping je?
[13:16] elisunar: jap..mana dia tauword taiping tu?
[13:18] abanghaq10: abang nak gi rombongan sek ke taiping tapi x dibenarkan so abang selalu nak try pujuk ayah dan ibu kasi dia gi tapi still tak di benar kan so hari2 dia cakap pasal taiping so adik ikut lah,,,,
[13:18] elisunar: see...
[13:18] elisunar: ooo...rombongan yg ada zoo taiping tu..eli pn tau apa..
[13:19] abanghaq10: kalau abanghaq gi sapa nak jaga hakim bila dia sunat
[13:19] elisunar: ancun la..
[13:19] abanghaq10: woi wok la
[13:20] elisunar: work je pun...adik ah jaga...bg dia balas dendam kat hakim..heeee
[13:21] abanghaq10: adik la ni selalu merayau sejak ada anfal kat umah nenek
[13:21] abanghaq10: so bazil & nabil pun join sekaki...
[13:22] elisunar: bkn ke anfal xde pn dia merayau gak...
[13:22] elisunar: pepagi dgr dah suara dia
[13:22] abanghaq10: kalau ada nafal dia merayau jauh dari biasa
[13:23] abanghaq10: selalu kat umah mak, nabil & bazil ni ada anfal so jarak dia merayau ada tambah 15 kaki
[13:24] elisunar: hehehe..
[13:26] abanghaq10: ye tau tak lim go tong dah mati
[13:26] elisunar: dia mati b4 ye dtg sini
[13:26] abanghaq10: ye ke
[13:27] elisunar: yupp2
[13:28] abanghaq10: ancun laparrrrrr gile ok lah nanti bila2 kita chat lagi..... bye... kaknani kirim salam
[13:28] elisunar: ook
[13:28] elisunar: kem salam balik
[13:28] abanghaq10: dia perli ancun type lambat
[13:28] elisunar: mmg pun kot
[13:28] elisunar: nite2

chapter 3 - dia selalu ada...

malaysia: 5th nov 3.44am
norwich: 4th nov 7.44pm (it's still my birthday)

juz finish my report for the 1st week...n roza is already asleep. and i? i'm chasing cars in my head.

dia selalu ada..walaupun dia jauh, walaupun dia sedih, walaupun dia tau dia xdpt apa2, walaupun dia xperlu ada, walaupun dia asik kecewa...tp dia masih ada...

he knows me, understands me, even if i don admit, even if i act strong..sometimes, he knows me better than i know myself..even when he can't be near, even all he can do is say "insyaAllah everything will be ok"...but still...he's there...

with him, i can't lie, i can't act..becoz...he knows...he reminds me of mak...he cares...he even gave me early bday present, becoz i won't be at where i always be during my bday...n thats makes my heart smile...becoz he remembers..

and i?
i need to figure out...what i want...n what i need...this is the time..i'm out my comfort zone...being alone in this strange place, no family, no friends...n i will know, who really cares about me..i know mak will...becoz mak rindu eli..but thats mak..n of course i need mak..i already knew that 24 years ago...

tp yg pasti...dia selalu ada...n i'm grateful for it...psl dia kata "everything will be ok"..

chapter 2 - I love skype...

this morning, borak with mak for around 45 mins n it cost me only rm4.51....
nice...even cheaper dr call kat malaysia..n mak did said...mak rindu eli jugak...hmmm...suka dgr tu...tp xpe since call guna skype sgt murah, eli call mak slalu...psl rindu mak jugak...

i'll be here for 1.8 month or 1 month or less than that? the question need to be answered by tajul..x paham sungguh cara management pakcik tu...i'll wait for his decision...but...kata la, kalo kena balik awal, i'll gladly, happily, n sgt2 menantikan menda itu. reasons:

1) homesick...hahahaha
2) dpt join korban
3) dpt tgk dina 1 tahun
4) dpt tgk hakim sunat
5) otak x cramp sgt
6) dpt balik umah..suka..sgt suka..
7) bond ngan proton staun je...kalo less than a month kat sini la, which is not a problem for me..lagi kejap, lagi bagus. sangap gilos kat sini.nmpak sgt...
8) WEEEEEEEEEEEE....pulang!!!!!!!!!!

tp..doa byk2...shorten the training period...jom doa sama2...jom2...
mak pun suka kalo blk cepat...see...sama je anak beranak...

bak kata abah...rumah ni senyap kalo eli xde...mak pn ckp td..umah senyap...

cess...umur sok 24 taun..tp...manja mcm apa je...tp bak kata org putih...

-home is where the heart is-

p/s: sok mak nak masak bubur merah..nk jugak...dulu time kt hostel pn cani..hmmmmmm...

chapter 1 - its cold, its dry, its quiet and leaves are red...

so here i am at a place called norwich at east england in the month of november...my birthday is juz 3 days away...i will be 24th at this place, without my family, my friends, alone with roza, in this strange place...

the first few days normally is the hardest days ever. same with me..with this weather, the manual car, the time zone, and i never imagine that i could miss malaysia this much...

i already miss everything..my mum, dad, anak2, friends, neo, tv, astro, food..did i mention everything? it means everything...

and i drive a manual car here. my problem with manual car is, i always forgot a thing called clutch down there..

i hate this, being alone and away..but i'll get through it somehow..i'll be strong..and i'm counting days...55 days is not that long rite...kan? hope so...

~hmmmm~

chapter 10 - leaving on a jetplane

nervous breakdown to date: 5 times...
currently: trying to calm down. to prevent 6th nervous breakdown.
kpi: siap dah. weeee....
things will be missed: dina 11 months and dina's 1st birthday. dina.
korban lembu..hmm...xdpt join potong lembu...
hakim sunat...finally...
makan2 on raya haji
makan2 on birthday sendiri
will absolutely missed: mak abah...huuuu..
my bed: the love story..
neo si hensem..
anak2..buli mereka...
adik beradik...kawan gaduh..
mari2 n semah..
PROTON..series ni..
udara panas..
tempe, sambal belacan, food..food..
tv, astro, baring2 depan tv, malas2.tido.

between us ok,
i dont like traveling alone, to be at a new place, to feel lonely..wonder nak ngadu kat sape if suddenly terasa mcm hampas...
between us again ok?
saya ialah anak manja..

balik nnt, mesti dina x kenal dah...kena ngorat balik nih...

last words: eli...u can do it..be strong gal..be strong...

chapter 9 - langit menangis lagi

raining season and i'm sleepy as usual...

the most frequent question people ask me today...
cane eli? ok?

ok ke? apart from kereta berapi n berasap, i told ali "pasal ni la aku suka keje proton. mengarut..banyak betul aku blaja. baru staun keje."

n skarang ni, depa dok diskas psl hose yg leak, betul2 seblah meja...malas nak amik port.

chaotic sungguh life ini...

chapter 8 - kek lapis asam

ingredients:

biskut soda (biskut paling keras dlm rekod biskut)- rendam dlm milo pn x kembang2
sunflower hawflakes (better known as asam seposen)
5-6 biji telur
sebuku butter
gula halus
susu pekat manis
pewarna makanan yg dibenarkan

how to do? no flour?

1st: hancurkan biskut n ayak = dapat tepung
2nd: pukul butter n gula smpai kembang (gebu)
3rd: masukkan telur sebiji-sebiji smbil pukul
4th: masukkan susu secukup rasa
5th: masukkan tepung (biskut) tadi
6th: bahagi 2 adunan. 1 colour natural, 1 lagi colour pewarna makanan.
7th: buat 1st lapisan n kukus 1/2 cooked
8th: susun hawflakes n kendian kukus smpai 1st layer masak.
9th: ulang step 7 n 8
10th: ulang step 9
.
.
.
approximately 3 hours later,
siap dah kek yang berlapis2...masukkan dalam oven n bakar kejap...

walllahh....kek lapis asam yg eli sukai...

eventho this cake is the most cerewet cake ever (kena buat tepung sendiri-cerewet la tu) n need A LOT of patience (bila nk lapis wit asam keping2 dgn melekat2nye-huuu), i still baked it. why?
becoz..i love this cake a lot n mum don't bother to do it for me anymore.

this year is the third year i baked the cake, and juz like years before i forgot the ingredients and the steps...
so..hopefully, after a chapter specially dedicated to the kek lapis asam, i won't forget anymore...

p/s: selamat mencuba...
pp/s: since my brothers pun sgt suka kek ni, n diorg je yg tau mana nak dpt biskut soda...TQ ayoy..for the biskut tiap2 taun...

SELAMAT HARI RAYA...

chapter 7 - deep inside

deep inside i know what i want, i admit it, but to have it...i leave it to Allah. only He knows what's the best for me...

there's just no word to describe what i feel now.

sms maria buat saya sayu...
kenapa..
kita still tanya kenapa, eventho xde sape nak jawab..or even worse, xde answer pun..

salah ke kalau kita nak hope for something? even sgt ajaib la kalau apa yg kita hope tu kita dapat..
salah ke kalau kita nak start something new? walaupun kita xtau pun wujud ke tak apa yang kita nak start tu...
n salah ke kalau kita nak rasa diri kita complete? eventho kita still xtau apa yg boleh completekan kita...

kenapa kita susah nak start something new? nape kita xnak tinggalkan comfort zone kita? nape kita takut nak bagitau orang apa kita rasa? nape kita lagi rela senyap dari bercakap? nape kita penakut?

i hate to be alone, that's the reason why i live with my family n have those wonderful friend..at least i can share..

n to you my dear blog, at least, i can write my miserability...




- Coldplay Lyrics

chapter 6 - mata panjang

mata panjang - sleepy but dont want to sleep. miss my bed n tv very much..with all the binatang..badak, simga, panda...huhhh...nak tido kat umah...

this is my 1st time writing from this pc. at workshop. reason: aircond lagi sejuk. kat atas panas, n for sure surau penuh. eli membawa diri..

buka with frens the other day..mcm remaja berpeleseran di tepi jalan...kidding lah..food..ok. price sgt ok...salute hana: pandai dia cari tempat. and..i'm not good in UNO already. kaut lagu raya dari isma..next week ringtone nak letak lagu raya. bagi ada feel sket..huuuhuuuuu...

mata x panjang dah. menaip ni mmg bagus utk ubat mata..

this coming jumaat. mak's birthday...stil xde idea utk present. kalo ada idea pun, bila tah nak beli..nak bagi apa ye..bagi hati dan perasaan je la..ok gak tuh..dah la tgh ketandusan hati dan perasaan ni..tp..baru staun ngadap enjen..aduhhh....

nak lari la...nak nyorok...dok bawah meja ke..kusi ke...dlm lemari ke..pancit dah ni..sakit pinggang gak..umur, x masuk 24 lagik..
nk katil..golek2..pk pasal katil je, trus rasa best..senyum sorg2..flip flop...ati bunga2...penuh harapan...hepi...

eli mengong..

chapter 5 - in the month of ramadhan

i just notice this yesterday, ramadhan made me feels something inside..it can't be described..i recall my ramadhan years ago, at hostel, at uni...sahur with frens, buka with frens...the 'pancit'ness we felt when we over used our energy..my ramadhan two years ago.. mak, abah n ancun involved with accident..the most chaotic ramadhan ever...and the most not 'raya' ever..moments when i did my shopping for raya with anak2..its actually the raya preparation for the whole family. terasa macam dah ada family sendiri.

and my ramadhan last year, 1st ramadhan as a proton employee. ok la..1st ramadhan i actually kerja..this year, just like years before..there's something inside of me..and it only appears in the month of ramadhan. the feelings of 'ntah la'.

one thing that i like about ramadhan in my house is...dodol..the smell of asap n dodol n abang2 yang nak dpt fit body for raya (kacau dodol). i just can't imagine a ramadhan without dodol..dari kecik dah ada..since i can remember..even now, anak2 can complaint if there's no dodol..cucu sunar...

but this ramadhan, there's nurin's case..it made me speechless...nape ada org kejam cmtu? even animals won't treat others like that..i won't call that orang animal, but much worse than animal...usually i dont know what to wish for, but in this ramadhan, i wish, i pray, i hope for this world to be a better place, for everybody to be a better person, for no more brutallity on children, n for people to actually think. Allah gives us brain and wisdom to think..i wish for people to think with both brain and heart..

hopefully, everything is gonna be ok after this. guess, need to get ready..buka with da gals tonite..

and for all i still have, i really thank Allah for this.

chapter 4 - dim light in powertrain office

one week without centrizine(ubat resdung eli) is just too much for me..i can feel the ulat2 resdung partying inside my nose..yesterday, eli out. ulat resdung conquer everything. luckily, i've got my centrizine yesterday evening(klinik baru dapat stock - Alhamdulillah)..

i try to avoid seafood as good as i could. i avoid udang, sotong, everything...xcept udang mentah 2 ekor atas sushi..wat to do..nama pun sushi udang..but the thing is, how can i avoid seafood?
malay food..belacan wajib, udang kering wajib, ikan bilis wajib...dlm smbal tumis ada udang kering, char kuey teow ada air udang..see...if i need to avoid everything, nak makan apa? sedih betul ni....
so, the conclusion is, makan je apa yg patut n then makan centrizine...so, eli hepi...ulat2 pun hepi, klinik lagi la hepi...proton je sedih, psl kena bayar centrizine tu..

tomolo, eli cuti...so blog, see u in one week..may i have a pleasant cuti..

p/s:
pirate poppers: suddenly dah level 56. ada org kenit mainkan time eli tgh tido..thank u org kenit...

p p/s:
cinta/kasih zulaika by mawi: lagu tu nyanyi2 dalam kepala saya ni...cane...

chapter 4 - in my pink pyjama

what is real life?
according to forrest gump, life is like a box of chocolate..we'll never know what we'll get.

last nite i went to nuri's, for our merdeka bbq. one year has passed. some remain the same, and some may not..after all, we all still have our life..and be grateful for that.

is it wrong to hope for something that is beyond our reach? i'm not hoping for a falling star or the moon...it's just to high. and i'm short. i admit that. even with heels..i'm still not that tall.

i'm hoping for one thing..one simple thing. waiting for it. with all the patience i have. it's not impossible, it's simple..not that simple actually, but not really complicated..but it need patience, a lot of patience and faith...

i feel down sometimes. feels like i'm waiting for something that will never happen. feels like i'm actually hoping that the moon will falls on me. but the truth is, i'm only hoping for...for a good life, for comfort, and for care...

and also, i'm hoping for one simple shoe..for now, i'll cherish my selipar jepun.

in my pink pyjama, a real life for me is how we live our life. the decisions we made, the mistakes we learn, the smile we have, our hope and faith, and how we want to be remembered.
and it is not wrong to hope for something that is beyond our reach..perhaps, there's miracle..and if we don't get it..we are just human, we can't control everything..

in my pink pyjama, i will keep my patience, watch one tree hill tonite, and hoping for that one thing to happen...even in dreams..

chapter 3 - no place to sleep

i'm not that sleepy actually, juz need to lie down...
its so cold today, n my brain just not functioning very well..i really need to lie down...

lets talk about plan..one simple word..plan

do we need to plan our life?
like...when to get married, what to do in the next 5 years, bla..bla...bla..

my uni course was electrical power, i wasn't planning to take it, the only reason i took it was, it sounds good..electrical power..
than, i started to plan my life...after study i wanna work at power plant or to do something relevant with electrical power, but i ended up working with car company n calibrating engine..i planned to get married early, like 25, but...now i'm 24, being single and quite happy with my life (xcept when mum kept asking bout u know what)..

so..what's the point of planning when there will always be the unplanned things in our life..
can someone tell me?
should we plan? or should we just live our life, follow the flow?

when the unplan things happen, do we need to replan?
confusing huhh?


when we make someone else happy, we will be happy too...
betul kan?

chapter 2 - finding the right pair of shoe

i used the word right instead of perfect since, for me, there's no such thing..a perfect shoe..
a pair of shoe, no matter how it fits our feet, eventually it'll hurt us sometimes..
what makes a shoe right for us?
some may say its the look, for some it will be the price or brand, and else will say its the comfort the shoe brings..

once, i had this, the right pair of shoe, i own it for few years..it wasn't perfect, it hurts my feet sometimes, but for me, it was an ideal shoe..the comfort, the style..everything...but, as time goes by, the shoe doesn't feels right anymore..the bottom cracked, the top ripped, it just happened..it can be repaired, but it will not feels or looks the same. it doesn't mean that i'm not appreciating, i was..and i still remember it sometimes. my first right pair of shoe..

i'm still finding my right pair of shoe..what matters the most for me is the comfort. it has to be simple and comforting. and fits me well. it don't need to be expensive or stylish..

i've found a shoe, that might be right, but i couldn't try it..in fear of what it'll feels..will it be comfort like my previous shoe or will it be better or worse. all i do is just look at it..n do nothing..absolutely nothing..

i'm just hoping that if one day, if there's any opportunity for me to try on a pair of shoe, any shoe, i hope it'll fit me well..it doesn't need to be perfect..it just need to be right.

and for those who already found their right pair of shoe, appreciate it, as to find another pair of the right shoe is not as easy as it may sound..
for those who still searching, good luck..we really need it.

p/s:
this comes from someone who is younger than me;

'semua relationship kita yg broken, actually buat kita sedar, org yg macam mana yg sesuai utk kita..so that kita boleh cari org yg fits kita..'

same with shoes...

chapter 1 - unintended

in the silence i can hear u say
the river runs and the river hides
out to the oceans and under the sky
i promise you the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time...

me n my sister always said this "tgk..abah tgh berbicara dgn alam"
last weekend, i do a lot of "berbicara dgn alam", forget cartoon, beaches are much better than tv..thanks to abah, eli likes nature a lot...kalau la ada kawan sekepala time tu, rasanya smpai dah pulau kapas tu, tgk penyu..1 day, i want to chandat sotong..hmmm...imagining, my 1st sotong ever..nak amik gambar, pastu framekan..nice...

during last weekend also, i agreed with isma on the 'rindu n network' thing..lucky there's maria. ngadu time..at that very moment, rindu strikes me a lot. and at that very moment, i felt alone..the feeling that i need someone just to sit besides me..the unplanned things has happened..

i plan to stay in this comfort zone..tp..just like i said, its unintended. we'll see what will happen..but for now, kita kena pandai sorokkan perasaan. its hard, but it needs to be done..

1300 hours, pirate poppers :)

chapter 12 - when it doesn't feels right

i should pack my bag for a trip...
but my head suddenly feels empty..dunno where to stop..i just pack..and pack and keep on going until...now...after an absolute over packed issue..
1 prob solve...thanks to ancun n mum...selamat neo ku dari kesunyian...

it just, i don't feels right..with everything...in this case, not in the rite mood...pms kot..

i'm confuse again...but this time, not with myself, i'm in a total control, but with people around me...not all but number of them..

n now tetiba nak nangis...sah pms...
n suddenly feels like writing this is just a waste of time n i should continue packing...


"rindu tu, tak ikut network (phone)...tak kira la ada line ke, takde line ke, kalo dah rindu tu, rindu jugak"
-isma-

that was isma's answer when i ask her sthing on rindu n network (maria's prob), guess..rindu has no border..n it makes me wonder...does the person we rindu really worth it?

my bed worth it..thats for sure... :)

chapter 11 - a girl named eli...

yesterday, i forgot to bring my handphone for like the 70th time. so, i did some muhasabah diri on myself..
this is my summary as a result of the muhasabah diri activity..the things that i'm xtremely into

- black
i want batman as my boyfriend becoz of the black outfit + mysterious personality. black handphone, black shirt, black baju kurung, black heels, hitam itu menawan. diana once said, "eli...u need to colour up your life". so i bought a dark chocolate shirt..n thanks to my mum for adding more colours in my life.

- a box called TV
if i can marry tv, all my problems are solved. my mum won't ask anything regarding "boyfriend" anymore.

- my bed
its a true love story, eli n her bed. usually, the 1st nite i spend without my bed will be a sleepless nite. but only the 1st nite la, since...

- sleep
i love sleeping more. sleeping from my sister's point of view is a sweet escape. totally 170% agree.

- readings
fav: story books n comics. other: so-so. the real ulat buku is in town. as long as there's huruf2 bertaburan, i'll read it..no wonder i have this rabun jauh since standard 4.

- sweets
the "keracunan gula" syndrome. symptoms: hyperactive, a bit mengong..all sweets included. priority, chocolate (blame it on abah), lolipop (chupachup choc vanilla..wahhh). why anak2 love my room? because, there's always sweets in there.

- beras
once, my cita2 is to be a tauke kilang beras (i did admit it in a small gathering with my juniors - 100+ person)..n all my friends thought i worked with bernas. but, alhamdullillah, as i get older, i realize that my teeth are not as strong as before.

- mandi
its either mandi? weee or mandi? what's that? confuse huhh? its ok..me also

- water
hydrophobic. no more to say

- tarik rambut
my mum always says,"botak nnt asik tarik rambut je" but...habit already, what to do

- the magic word: SALE
need to say more? if cannot shopping, window shopping also can la...

- lingerie
maria did ask before,"yang ko nak bli byk2, lain2 ni utk apa? bukannye org nmpak pun..." my answer was,"yg penting, kepuasan diri". n the sales gal said,"kita pkai hali2 punya, takpa loh" pandai sales gal tu...

- the word "elibaik"
eli mmg baik apa...

- spicy food
i can feel volcano in my stomach, sesema (sroot, sroot)..tp, kalo x pedas, x kick la...

- forgetfull + misplace
once, this was my biggest prob, so i invent a system for myself. that's why, my things n my life are so teratur (kot). a system that works since my 3rd month in boarding school. the first 3 month, hampas. now, even my mum terharu when she looked at how i organize my stuff in my closet.

- being mengarut..
is there's a cure for this?

- seafood.
lalalalalalala...resdung? apa tu?

- singing n dancing while driving
level: chronic. bulan puasa, fed hiway (PJ area), jammed thp max (buka dalam keta): eli: listening, sing and dance along paris hilton's nothing in this world.. until: "alamak, pakcik keta seblah ni tengok..aduu...awat dia sengih2..malu2..."
unfortunately, cannot run. jammed...buat muka steering..sy x salah...

- coffee
minum smpai hanged...nice... -the ultimate @ coffee bean-

- lets fight whiteheads n blackheads on our face
who wants me to picit their muka, juz give me a call...maria? nak? hehehehe...pipi x kaco, just dahi, kat area2 telinga tu...ok?

so...this is me...n the things that i'm extremely into...
lets us all be a better person..

chapter 10 - pursuit of happiness

happiness comes in so many kinds:

- in company of good friends, in making someone else's dream comes true, or in hoping that happiness is just a minute away..

for me...as long as there's happiness in this life, its ok...

lately, i'm so into lagu jiwang...nomally, i'm not so into acha n irwansyah, but now ada cinta is one of my fav song...listening to it now, n also kekasih gelapku...scary eli...

why am i behaving like this? i ask my sifu - maria (since i'm slow with this kind of thing and my friends used to interpret everything to me)

maria said, if i like red suddenly (eli = anti red) meaning that i'm in love...
if i like pink, ready to be in love...white, lonely...black, confuse...blue, in peace...

black, i'm obsess with black so cannot take into account. otherwise, i will be in confusion all the time (tp, mcm betul je)...red, once i nearly bought a red bag, but lucky my mum stopped me (cantik beg tu)...pink, crazy with bright pink now, pink sling bag from bali, pink pashmina, pink tudung, pink ahum2, eli pinkie....white, love white, kinda sama taraf with black...blue, laut? nice....

so what's the summary?
i like colours... (damn maria baca sure dia hangin-summary yg sungguh lurus)

but the thing is, when i said "maria, aku suka lagu jiwang skang, aku dah berubah..."
she called, juz to laugh...but not too suprised, i was sick at love songs before...

happiness for me?
perhaps its when i feel my life and myself is complete...


p/s: action plan section in my kpi still empty...go eli go...

chapter 9 - last nite, i dreamt of war..

monday morning, raining, and i did dreamt of war last nite. feels tired today. i spend my whole nite running away from bombs and gunshots..maybe its because i watch 28 weeks later before i went to sleep.

selsema...flu...idong gatal...i spend around 16 hours sleeping in total yesterday...stil not enough though...

meet da gals last saturday nite, maria still maria...diana still diana...its just ema finally found her happiness, good for her, she did suffer too much for the past 2 years. hepi for her, bit jealous actually...eli, still eli..

n suddenly manggis makes me smile....tp...i'm fasting today...so...consider xde redjeki la...hmm

nk tulis apa td...lupa dh ni...ni la padah tulis blog, analyze data n dgr lagu at da same time...

(after some times, kiut dah data)
something triggered on me last weekend as mr. D told me to think about my future sometimes...don't be to comfort with my life now..with frens, family, work...n not realizing how fast time goes by..i'm happy now, thats true. perhaps its because i'm in my comfort zone. x fikir byk pasal org lain...just diri sendiri...he's got point there...smpai bila nak duduk dlm comfort zone?

why we just can't get it all?
ema, she's happy now, but after losing her parents..
diana, already found the well paid job, but suffers inside..
maria, for all the ups and downs, n losing the rite one..
eli, once i thought i've got it all..but i was wrong..i dont have it all at the same time.
i found something and losing something else...

for now, i'm glad with what i have, let go what i've lost and hoping for what i dont have...

the weather makes me jiwang today..we always blame it on the weather...




p/s: kekasih gelapku? hmmm....mmg jiwang budak ni ari ni...
hari lepas hujan... :)

chapter 8 - hari lepas hujan

i love this song...no matter what version..frankie vallie, lauryn hill, muse, name it..juz can't take my eyes off you.

macam hari lepas hujan..
suka..
cane rasa hari lepas hujan? hmm...fresh, sejuk, hijau, bersih, suka, senyum, hepi...

eventho, my brain sensor worked slowly today, but i do feel like hari lepas hujan..
perhaps its because, my niece notice that i'm not slow like yesterday..n my sista did admit that she mengumpat me dgn kawan2 dia psl perangai anak2 bongsu yg buat family pening...as in, mak dah semangat nak buat kenduri but anak mcm buat xtau je...n i'm not the only one, adik2 kawan2 dia pun camtu gak...
anak bongsu comes in 1 package..so...wat to do..
n..my gigi bongsu, finally kuar sket..x sakit dah, tp...asyik gigit pipi je time makan..gigi bongsu, juz like anak bongsu kot..
n..today, after 2 months, saya makan beras semula...suddenly rindu..gigit2 benda keras..best betul...beras, still da best snack ever...

bik ye dah x slow macam smalam...hahahaha....
-tribute to adlina-

chapter 7 - the unwritten and unspoken

there are times when we feel something that we cant describe. as in there's no words for it..perhaps it was meant to be kept by ourselves.

a smile that comes from nowhere, tears that suddenly appears, a sense of hollow that sometimes we felt..indescribable..

i do believe that sometimes, anytime, anywhere in this world, everybody have felt the feeling of loneliness..even when we're in open space filled with people..when we actually have everything..but we just feel empty...feels like there's a big empty hole in our heart..it just came..where we will feel the urgency to fill our heart with something...anything...where we really need someone to be with us..even just to sit beside us...or to smile....

and there are times when we're actually alone...but our heart feels warm..like we don need anything more..feels satisfied with what we already had...but...still...alone....

there's always explanation for everything we felt...things that i thought indescribable is actually describable....when people cant describe what they felt, is actually because they didn't want to describe it...afraid to admit perhaps...or afraid to feel....or afraid to let go....


then, it was left...unwritten and unspoken....
just words....
the unwritten and unspoken...they are just words....
but i guess...its hard for someone to do so...

myself....i rather say i'm feelingless than to admit...
selfish? coward?
perhaps...i would say...i'm..observing....

hahaha....silly gal...still dont want to admit...apa la nak jadi ni....

chapter 6 - matahari besar

matahari besar - actually it was a sunset view i saw at kesas hiway, on the way back from endurance..failed to capture the view, but still remember it...
last week @ my room, while i'm confused with which baju kurung to wear for my cousin's wedding, suddenly the view flashed into my mind. matahari besar...

there's so many questions in my mind now, mainly, it all involve wiring harness of a car...what connection, which for what, purge, weight etc. etc. guess my life is quite dull now....thank god my previous weekend was fun...

i can sing mawi's song angan dan sedar quite ok now...thanks to my thoughtful sister..she burned a CD for our journey and only include 3 mawi's songs...when my mum and sista travelling in the same car, they need mawi...3 will do...n the song still lingers in my ears 'till now...a result of 30 times angan dan sedar...

guess need to resume my work now...go electrical...go wiring harness...my eyes are wired up now...hmm.....

wat to do....hanged..........

ZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzZZZZZZzzzz

chapter 5 - a quiet friday afternoon

sitting alone in my office...writing blog, listening to radio, trying to book tickets for transformers...
the internet is hopelessly slow today..huhh....no sign of transformers tickets until now...

still smiling today. what made me smile? its because i know myself better now...
my heart (qalbun maridh) - a sick heart. i began to understand that and i'm healing my heart..

i'm very positive now. living in denial? hmmm...
perhaps..i'm just waiting..
waiting for something right to happen to me...

waiting for someone...
am i ready?
a friend of mine did ask that question yesterday...if the person is right n suit me...why not?

do i fancy someone now?
hahahaha....i'll leave that question for future...or unanswered...

is that the the reason? for why i'm smiling...not sick of love songs?
nahh...i'm not denying but the real reason is...finally, i'm opening my heart...
i'm alone now...but i'm happy...i'm optimistic...optimus prime...transformers?

sometimes...its better to let things happen naturally rather than pushing hard...its better to let go rather than holding on...its better to observe rather than to bond..and its better to smile rather than to laugh...

thanks to people around me...for always being there...n for all the guidance...
now i know that...appreciating is better than hoping for more..

error: no response from tgv = no transformers ticket booked...
surrender dah...tp nak transformers....aduhh....

chapter 4 - not sick of love songs anymore.....

i do smile a lot lately....despite of being busy, i smile a lot...i get my "smiling wrinkles" back...a good sign indeed

i smile at micheal buble's everything, celine dion's to love you more, alanis morisette's hand in my pockets, backstreet boys' spanish eyes.....i even smile at mawi's new song....and accidently memorize it...

still love my chemical romance's disenchanted though...

still wonder...what made me smile...

smiles at nice view...smiles at teases....smiles at jokes....smiles at everything...
my heart is smiling...my eyes are smiling....i am smiling....

i'm not sick of love songs...anymore...


"I'm broke but I'm happy
I'm poor but I'm kind
I'm short but I'm healthy, yeah
I'm high but I'm grounded
I'm sane but I'm overwhelmed
I'm lost but I'm hopeful baby"

"I'm free but I'm focused
I'm green but I'm wise
I'm hard but I'm friendly baby
I'm sad but I'm laughing
I'm brave but I'm chicken shit
I'm sick but I'm pretty baby"

alanis morisette-hand in my pocket

chapter 3 - BALI : a diary

i dedicate this chapter to my recent bali vacation; so that i won't forget...in malay, indonesian and english language.

bali: a diary - from eli's personal view.

thursday (21st june 07)

ngurah rai airport - 4.50pm...nearly sunset, exotic airport, nice view....

1st time ever, MS. SUHAILI SUNAR...damn...nama ku dipampang....gila bangga..fetched by travelling agent...Pak Kecut: our tour guide...n pak supir (nama aneh, x ingat)...big n quiet guy..always smiling....

Jimbaran Bay - 5.50pm..sunset, dinner at beach, view; breathless.....

from airport straight to jimbaran bay for a SEAFOOD dinner...wahahaha...my favourite...1 big plate filled with fish, udang (besar), cumi-cumi(sotong), kupang, all BBQed...duduk in between mak n abah....abah x makan udang n sotong = masuk pinggan eli, mak x makan kupang = masuk pinggan eli lagi...xtra kupang,sotong n udang = eli gumbira (x igt dah psal idong gatal; wise words from my sista, alang2 idong nak gatal, baik kita makan byk2...)....after dinner...check in...at bali garden hotel...nice hotel...like a garden indeed...near main road which is not very besar....n centro (new shopping complex; eli senyum lagi)...n also kuta beach (panjang betul pantai dia)...

friday (22 june 07)

focus: kintamani - volcano, still active, last 'meletup' year 1963, kesan lava still ada lagi.....hmmm....tp cantik tpt tu...

early morning, take a walk at beach, meet untie mida (pronounce:maida) from bosnia...then, depart for kintamani...1st stop, barong n keris dance....kisah dewa siwa....ala2 opera sket...2 dancers perform bali dance....dr kepala, mata, kaki, sume must be coordinated...lentik betul badan mereka....pastu ada play...just like teater....then visit celuk: silver n gold art....here i notice that, org2 bali mmg penyabar...all the brooches, cincin, etc...are hand made, from scratch...bola2 besar mcm fullstop (noktah) glued together smpai jd loket....series...mata diorg x juling pn tgk bola kecik2 tu...kagum dah nih....then...tgk wood carving...pastu...painting...here i bought 4 paintings...abstract tu...mmg x paham maksud ah...tp cantik.....ngorat the painter utk dpt good price....hahahaha....kuasa wanita....then g kintamani....gunung berapi yg ada sket2 asap kuar dr kepala dia....lunch ngadap volcano...buffet style...nice food..after kintamani, pegi tpt org proses kopi...tpt mari mengenal tumbuh-tumbuhan..minum koko ngadap pokok...dekat bali, ada pokok vanilla...n all these while, i thought vanilla only exist kat brazil...huhhh....jalan balik, n stop at tegalalang....famous for the rice terace....tanam padi kat bukit, jd mcm tangga giant...all done manually.....speechless jap...rajin betul diorg...kita kat Malaysia, sume pakai mesin... our final stop...pasar sukawati...eli sgt sukahati........(sukawati=pasar yg jual brg2 bali dgn harga murah).....sandal dah nak tecabut...emergency kena cari sandal baru...hasilnya...1st sandal, sandal jempol (as described by mbak yg jual sandal)...jempol = ibu jari kaki in jawa....then, eli went crazy...shopping....bought a lot of necklace, 1 sling bag, pencil utk anak2..bargain utk abah...smpai la petang.....pastu cari umah sedara....tgk bali in person....the truth of bali....rumah...tersangat la rapat2...islam n non muslim sgt muhibbah n understanding....anjing rata2....horror....time ni...pak kecut was like my superman....tolong halau anjing2....banyak sgt....nangis....then dinner n jalan kat kuta...jalan carik kedai menarik....byk betul killer word..."SALE"....huhh....time to sleep....

saturday (23 june 07)

bedugul - danu aka danau....on top of a mountain...people here mostly muslim...

stroll along kuta beach while waiting for pak kecut n pak driver....n then depart for bedugul....short stop at pasar buah...suppose pasar buah = jual buah....but here...just like sukawati yesterday, a short stop became a "shopping" stop....mak punya turn mengganas....one and a half hour later....bedugul....lunch...nice food...pastu tgk tasik atas gunung....view...huhhh....sgt calming....here..i met my batman...a man + a bat....a big bat....n went for a boat ride wit mak n abah...initially, mak xnak join...tp kena psycho ngan eli n abah....= 3 anak beranak + pak kecut naik bot keliling danu....my aunty....xnak join...sejuk....best...air sgt sejuk....(sempat lagi main air)....

Tanah lot - aka tanah laut...has it own legend....terpisah dr tanah bali...if air pasang...xleh g sana...lucky...air surut....

from bedugul...depart for tanah lot...pak kecut said...."kalau ada pacaran, mengikut lagendanya...jangan ke tanah lot bersama...nnt bisa putus"....di dlm hatiku.."ya...masa sih...jadi...kalau ngak ada pacaran....ya bisa oleh pacaran....hmmm....bagus itu..."....hati kobar2 nak g tanah lot...fuhhh....tido dlm van...jauh betul tpt tu....tetiba...mak kejut...smpai dah...hehh....kedai je? tpt shopping lagi ke? aduuu..."tanah lotnya kena jalan sikit" giler ah....pak kecut ada telepati....ke muka ku ini melampau blur....series...xnmpak laut pun....jalan2...jalan....lalu kedai2....cuci mata....target menda2 yg nak di beli...hmmm....suddenly...cantik....tpt ni sgt cantik....ada batu bolong (lubang=bolong; bahasa jawa)...n tanah lot itself....sgt cantik....Allah dah cipta satu tempat yg sgt cantik...n semulajadi...kat tanah yg orgnya 90% hindu....sgt2....cantik....in love with bali....i spend my time here...mesmerizing....n then....shopping....final stop...eli yg mengganas....mak n auntie xmo shopping dah....abah je yg teman....abah memberi galakan....ayat abah..."bila lagi nak datang sini"....abah xtau yang anak dia ni....dalam hati dah cita2 nak honeymoon bali...kot x pun....datang ngan kawan2....nak tgk penyu n ikan lumba2 lak....next time....insyaAllah....jumpa dah pacaran....bali....hehehehehe....tpt cantik, shopping best, frenly people, nice food.....seafood...i could not ask for more...in love with bali.....

kuta square - juz cuci mata....duit abes dah....hehehehe...

after dinner yg sgt byk makanan...naik 3 kilo trus...on the spot....jalan2 at kuta square (kononnye excersice).....final shopping...shopping je keje budak nih....utk kwn2 la...anak2 la....n most important...diri sendiri....stop at hard rock...mak, abah n auntie...pg kedai lain....byk kedai sini....beli2....n then pegi cari wangi2an bali....sabun, essential oil, massage oil, n colok wangi....all natural, made in bali....then...penat dah....cramp dah kaki...sok spa...huhuu......sleep......

sunday (24 june 07)

nak balik dah....huuuu....after bfast...spa treatment...abah...massage je...eli n mak....full treatment....nice.....sah...saya sudah jatuh chenta sama bali....time spa...tetido...masa pakai masker muka....pastu mandi bunga...wangi betul air dia....rasa 2 jam stengah tu macam kejap je....

11.30 depart for airport...1.50...terbang....aduu....soknye keje....tp xpe....i'll be back....

prolog:

bali: a nice place indeed...nape la depa sanggup bomb...people there...sgt frenly...sgt berseni...sgt berbakat...i couldn't forget the pintu...cantik betul ukiran dia...if only bole masuk kapal terbang...abes segala pintu, pasu, batu2...sume borong...

bali: buat org yg buta seni beli lukisan....hahahaha.......i love my abstract paintings.....n my bali shoe...sandal jempol ku....all the wangi2an....necklace..shawl gamba bulan bintang.....handbags....i just love bali....

chapter 2 - living in denial

denial?
what denial?

i'm soon to find out...but for now, i'll leave it this way....
rage? no more....confusion? a little....

and people say...i think too much..

what to do...i've become a completely complex adult..

adults do think rite...

p/s: lapar....hujan dah stop....weeeee....BALIK!!!!!!!!!!!!

chapter 1 - disenchanted

disenchanted:
cynical, disappointed, disenthralled, disentranced, disillusioned, embittered, indifferent, jaundiced, knowing, mondaine, sick of, sophisticated, soured, undeceived, worldly, worldly-wise

i started book 2 with the same feelings i felt when i 1st started book 1. though the reasons now is different, but its feel the same....disenchanted or should i say uninterested....

things that i want to do now is, cry...for no reason...sounds silly. i'm acting like a fool myself.

a friend of mine said that i'm not like before...guess that because i dont do a lot of thinking before...i just live my life the way that i want to....i like it better that way...sweet old eli..eli with wrinkles as a result of too many laugh n smiles.....

this adulthood is just tiring...during my childhood, i always wonder why adults always think so much, why they cant make things simple....but now...i've become 1 competely complex adult myself.....fool me...for not knowing what i want now....for losing what i once had....for thinking so much....for not being able to be like before....for not knowing how to let go of everything...for hurting myself....for not crying....for pretending to be strong....for not be able to smile with my heart....for..........not sharing.........not knowing how to share.......not knowing how to start back..........for having these multi emotional time....for not being strong enough.........

i'm killing my heart......

chapter 16 - after 4 months

4 months since i first started this blog....
i've been thru a lot within this period...i learn a lot...knowing that life is not as simple as i thought...
lucky i still have my family, my friends, n those who care about me...
something that we should treasure most: a relationship...i dont have lover now....i used to love before and it seems that loving someone is harder now...but its ok....

there's still an empty space in my heart...one tiny spot that make me feels like i lost something....
but its ok...i kept saying...its ok....since i still have people around me that cares about me...

i appreciate what i have now...
if one day...there is love for me...i'll accept...
but for now...i'm happy with wat i have...a loving family...cheerful friends... myself...not to forget...those who care about me....

thank you...

p/s:
i'm in between...
lost and found....
rain and sunshine...
cry and smile....
i'm....blessed....

chapter 15 - our story

chapter 14 - smile

things that made me smile (n it comes direct from my heart) today: 16th may 07

early in da morning, an uncle of mine, veteran, walking in da rain with his kitten.... :)

in da office, a simple ecard from someone that always stand beside me....two cat saying "you're nice"....i did laugh....

evening....maria's email....her emails always made me smile....knowing that i still have a friend...

i smile today.....n it makes me realize, i'm lucky, to still have a smile.....the smile is mine....


"Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Just walk beside me and be my friend."

chapter 13 - where is the sun?

i have to admit....

i really miss the sun...
despite all the joy in the rain, i want to feel the warmth of the sun.....the feelings that i almost forget....feeling warm....hot perhaps....sweaty....

i'm letting go of everything for a simple wish....i wish...for the sun to shine on me....anytime...soon....

chapter 12 - dancing in the rain....

someone told me....

eli...
la tahzan...dont be sad....
dont let the future that u'll never know control u...

i'm not lost anymore...i'm hanging on....i'm being strong....i live my life...

i'm....dancing in the rain....

lyrics - Daughtry Lyrics

chapter 11 - sometimes...

got this from somewhere in www.... very nice indeed...comforting...n its exactly what life is...

enjoy...

Sometimes

Sometimes people come into your life

and you know right away that they were meant to be there,

to serve some sort of purpose, teach you a lesson,

or to help you figure out who you are or who you want to become.

You never know who these people may be

(possibly your roommate, neighbor, professor, long lost friend,

lover, or even a complete stranger),

but when you lock eyes with them, you know at that very moment
they will affect your life insome profound way.

And sometimes things happen to you that may seem horrible,

painful, and unfair at first, but in reflection you find that

without overcoming those obstacles you would have never realized

your potential,strength, willpower, or heart.

Everything happens for a reason.

Nothing happens by chance or by means of good luck.

Illness, injury, love, lost moments of true greatness,

and sheer stupidity all occur to test the limits of your soul.

Without these small tests, whatever they may be,

life would be like a smoothly paved, straight, flat road to nowhere.

It would be safe and comfortable, but dull and utterly pointless.

The people you meet who affect your life,

and the success and downfalls you experience,

help to create who you are and who you become.

Even the bad experiences can be learned from.

In fact, they are probably the most poignant and important ones.

If someone hurts you, betrays you, or breaks your heart,

forgive them, for they have helped you learn about trust

and the importance of being cautious to when you open your heart.

If someone loves you, love them back unconditionally,

not only because they love you, but because in a way,

they are teaching you to love and how to open your

heart and eyes to things.

Make every day count.

Appreciate every moment and take from those moments

everything that you possibly can for you may never be able

to experience it again.

Talk to people that you have never talked to before,

and actually listen.

Let yourself fall in love, break free, and set your sights high.

Hold your head up because you have every right to.

Tell yourself you are a great individual and believe in yourself,

for if you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for others

to believe in you.

You can make of your life anything you wish.

Create your own life and then go out and

live it with absolutely no regrets.

Most importantly, if you love someone tell them,

for you never know what tomorrow may have in store.

And learn a lesson in life each day you live.

Author...Unknown

chapter 10 - waiting for the rain to stop....

raining...
5.49pm

it's been raining lately...few drops, heavy rain...as long as there's drops of water falls from the sky..it's rain....
me now....waiting for the rain to stop...

why can't i just walk in the rain???
i used to have so much fun in my younger years...shampooing in rain, playing in rain....why do i bother about it so much now....maybe its true....as we grow older, our sense of fun become less and lesser... :)

gotta get that back...jump into the rain now?
maybe it can cure my heart....maybe it can bring back my sensibility....
or get sick...
or worst come to worst, get struck by lightning.....

its so dark out there...
no sign for the rain to stop any sooner....
i guess...i'll just walk thru the rain....

there's a quote from an unknown author....

"Anyone who says sunshine brings happiness has never danced in the rain."

kinda agree wit him...

chapter 9 - my life is brilliant....

where to start....(mood:listening to James Blunt-You're beautiful..over n over again)

with all my confusion, my lost, my fear, my heart broken, my wishes....i would say, my life is brilliant....
i was scared of risk, scared of hope, scared of opening my heart....still scared of letting people see what i feel inside....i'm learning...i'm being strong...i'm being me... (james blunt kept saying "you're beautiful" to me:my heart flipped)

i am...not physically...but inside..i know i'm beautiful....i'm not perfect...i'm learning to be better....i do hurt people sometimes...not intentionally...still...i do hurt people....people who loves me....

dare to risk....
dare to hope....
dare to be hurt....
i do let my heart open lately...i'm not lost anymore...but...seems like i'm going to be hurt...again...but this time...i'll prepare myself...i won't be like before...i'm stronger now...i've learn the hard way....i don't want to be lost again...

and i will say...hurt is like my middle name...i'm so used to it...until...i don't care about it anymore...it teaches me....to live in my brilliant life....

i'm moving on...i'm not confused....i'm not lost....i'm the new me....life is hurt...love is hurt...risk is hurt...hope is hurt....but...not being myself, being lost, living in confusion and fear...hurts me more....

my life...with what i've got now...with the risk of getting hurt again...is brilliant....


p/s: feel so much better now....not scared of getting hurt anymore...hurt is hurt...it'll makes me sad...it'll makes me cry....but its part of my life...

chapter 8 - dare to risk...

lately, in my life....i dont dare to risk, to hope, to reveal my heart....afraid of getting hurt again...until, lastnite..someone reminds me, the importance of having risk and hope in our life...the importance and the true meaning of loving someone...

that someone said that without hope in our live is like we pray for something that we are not hoping of..
i guess...i need learn to risk and to hope and to trust and to open my heart...again...
loving someone...is to hope...

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk to failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward, "To Risk"

and life..is all 'bout risk

chapter 7 - simple...

simple things we asked for in life...

*happiness
*someone to be with
*enough money
*peace
*free
*friends
*to be accept
*food
*shoe
*sale
*and many more simple things......

add it all together...
simply...we asked for..happiness....

so....what should we do to obtain happiness?

its simple....
just be simple....

am i happy?
currently...i have all my simple wishes with me.....

chapter 6 - thinking....

i dedicate this chapter to those who done a lot of thinking in their life lately...
thinkin about self, about work, about wolrd, about pollution, about money,..., about choices that they cannot decide....

living in confusion, lost, is basically not a proper way to live...torn between choices...afraid of being lonely...lost in self....there's a way out..for every problem...for every choices....but still we refuse to choose it....why is that happen...we choose to live in confusion...

we think logically...do some pros n cons...we list things....the consequences.... apart of these...we search deep in our heart...what we feel....how we react...but what will happen if...there's conflict between our heart n our mind?

we will still be confused....

so...do we still need to think? to choose? if in the end...we are still confuse?

hmmm.....what i'm thinking now?
it's lunch time... :) and it's friday....i guess...i'm a light thinker...

chapter 5 - waiting....

we've all been waiting for something....for wishes to be granted....for someone to save us....for all the times to come....waiting for anything...everything....and for some special cases...waiting for nothing....

in my case now...at this very moment...i'm waiting for the clock to strike 4.30, so that i can run my test (part of my job scope) and hoping that i can finish it before 5.30, which is quite impossible.....but all i can do now is wait...

while i'm waiting, wishing for the time to pass-by quickly, there's others.... wishing for the time to pass-by slowly...

i guess...we're all being selfish sometimes....there will be a time, when all we think of....is ourselves....

still waiting....

chapter 4 - breath...

it took me a long time to start writing this chapter....digging inside to know what exactly i feel in this exact moment......nothing.....

and i start to think...why aren't i feel anything now...anxious? nervous? emptyness?

at this exact moment...at this exact time...all i do is typing, thinking my next word and breath....
and to be honest..i'm quite suprise...despite my feelingless emotion, i manage to write this much...suddenly a question popped into my mind...

what if...u got everything that u want in your life?

what will u feel at that very moment?

but i'm sure...we will only be able to feel only if we're still breathing.....

chapter 3 - conversation wit a fren...

1st approach....
suhaili sunar: ko ada?
suhaili sunar: bantuan...
garnet_1801: ader
suhaili sunar: ko mmg the best ah...
garnet_1801: asal?

after a while....
suhaili sunar: garang btul mlm ni..
garnet_1801: heheh
garnet_1801: nk bg otak ko yg blur tu sedar sket

in the middle of the conversation...
garnet_1801: aku x blah die..tp klu die nak..
garnet_1801: ko sure ke ko xnak?
garnet_1801: sbb aku x rase ko akn tolak jz like dat..
garnet_1801: tul x?
suhaili sunar: huuuuuu....
suhaili sunar: nape la aku ada kwn2 yg sgt kenl aku...
suhaili sunar: stimes...its a bless....stimes...its a curse
garnet_1801: then?
garnet_1801: sape lagi yg nk tolong otak ko yg blur tu buat keputusan?
garnet_1801: klu x ktorg2 yg knal ko ni
suhaili sunar: kiut la ko...
suhaili sunar: adeh2...adeh....
garnet_1801: ko jpe die dl..
garnet_1801: tgk ape yg die nk ckp..
garnet_1801: jujur kat hati ko..
garnet_1801: for jz one sec, ketepikan la ego ko
suhaili sunar: god...
suhaili sunar: u really know me...
suhaili sunar: inside out..
suhaili sunar: damn~
garnet_1801: kan..
garnet_1801: so skrg ko dh tau pe nak buat?

end of our conversation...
garnet_1801: ceni je la..
garnet_1801: ko jz jpe die, n tgk pe die nak
garnet_1801: time tu jgn pk pape
garnet_1801: biar hati ko yg decide..
suhaili sunar: ok...ok...
suhaili sunar: tq babe...
suhaili sunar: aku pk...
suhaili sunar: aku nak tgk citer heroes ni...nak stat dah...ko
suhaili sunar: ko tau citer tu?
garnet_1801: tau
garnet_1801: tp aku layan katun je skrg
suhaili sunar: huhh...
suhaili sunar: umo dah tua...
suhaili sunar: god(?) save our king...
garnet_1801: anime tu bkn utk bdk kecik ek
garnet_1801: black cat klako
suhaili sunar: aku tau...aku tau
suhaili sunar: nak stat dah ni....
garnet_1801: ok
garnet_1801: bubye
suhaili sunar: dudaa.....

fren...a bless

chapter 2 - confusion....

i have so many questions..left unanswered...i want to ask why...why this song....

but there is no exact answer when it involves life...some questions, we better left it unanswered...

n i guess...i will live with this confusion for a long time...

chapter 1 - intro

y do i start this blog...today...now....i just need to write something...apart of pretending that i'm busy (office hour....after 4 days holiday...u do the math....hahaha)....

i feel completely empty but full...at the same time...well, i guessed i'm juz being confused...lost...thats wat i am lately....i want to pretend that everything is ok...actually...everything is ok...xcept for me....n its hard for me to adapt....why is evryone is so...normal...while...i'm here being a weirdo...

i'm not in those weird weirdo category...its just my mind...i cannot think straight.....ok...i'm barely thinking....i wish for so many things in my life....i've got it all....ok....apart from mazda rx8, being a pilot, n marry batman....but still, i'm blessed wit so many good things in my life....yeah...i own a car not rx8 of course, i have a job, living wit parents, wonderful family, loud friends....i couldn't ask for more.....

yet i'm not completely happy....sumthing is missing from me.....i can see it "byebye" me day by day.....i guess....i need to stop wishing....but keep on hoping.....damn....it hard....

today....i make a pledge....i wont let anybody.....mess with my life or my heart ever...again.....

this blog will remind me of this.....strong eli....strong....