chapter 10 - trying to keep my mind straight..........

trying to stop...
trying to be strong...
trying to stay sane...
trying to believe...
trying to stay happy...
trying not to show...
trying to be brave...
trying to forget...
trying to...............

what if i stop trying?
what will happen?
what will i loose?


what if i continue trying?
will people care?
what will i get?


what matters now is
i'm trying to sleep.............

chapter 9 - when i start to think...i need to stop...n remember..

back to my seat again...

i remember silly question i asked my mom when i was little....

-black n white-

"mak dulu2 xde kaler ye? sume itam putih ye? cane mak pilih baju?"

blame it on black n white movies...

-moon-

"mak, bulan tu suka kat eli kan? dia selalu ikut eli..kat rumah..dalam kereta..."

even when i was in france last week...bulan mmg sgt suka eli...smpai eli besar...


am i ready? am i doing the right thing? will i be happy?

i wish............i can ask silly question again......
without being silly....

chapter 8 - kesejukan.....nyesal pakai baju nipis.....padan muka...

winter last year:

sejuk2....at norwich

winter this year:

sejuk2...at toulouse

16th dec last year:

spending final day at uk counting for Malaysia...watching TV, masak2 with roza.

16th dec, today:

trying to understand torque ECU concept with man. and counting for malaysia...hehehe...

final weekend before christmas last year:

bayswater for kebab n samosa, greenwich chilling, heathrow...balik!!!!

final weekend before christmas this year:

jalan at paris (ke mana...we'll see), charles de gaulle...balik!!!


see the connection?

next year? ntah...

chapter 7 - raya...raya...raya........................

sakit perut...hukhukhukhuk...

perut majuk...makan byk sgt patu perut majuk.....

padan muka....

this raya...

1) no kek lapis asam - xde masa nak buat
2) byk jalan2 - semangat raya berkobar2
3) malas nak keje balik - heeeeeee
4) kurang tgk tv - raya kena bermaafan, bkn tgk tv.
5) raya last before kawin????!!!!??? - hmmm...

chapter 6 - di taiwan

i'm exhausted..........

if anybody ask me...what do u think about taiwan....

i can only answer, i knew ITRI and a motel at taichung.........other than these 2, sorry to say, i didn't have time to observe.....

but, i learnt that its important to have enough knowledge...
and it's important to have enough patience and confidence..

and muka alya kat facebook kak mas...

chapter 5 - mcm nak duduk bawah meja..

nak dok bawah meja...buat keja sorang2...xmo ckp ngan sesapa...tutup lampu...duduk diam2...


hati rasa cam...cekodok.........................................makan.........abes dah ati...........masuk dalam perut...

chapter 4 - 1 flow meter, 2 handphone, 3 beg

1 - flow meter dah jumpa...malam ni bole tido lena...huahahahahaha
2 - mmg trend kot skarang org ada 2 hanpon...as for me...1 maxis yg mmg no saya lah...n 1 g...walkie talkie saya ngan din...ni lah nasib...sape suh keje jauh2? sib baik celcom ada plan 1+3...n sib baik kakak saya keje celcom...dapat no cantik...
3 - saya dah jadi tamak...pesan 1...din suh pilih 2...tapi saya nak 3...nak sume...sume cumil...nak 3 beg...x kira...nak 3.....cane nak pilih 2 kalo ati suke sume? cane? so...kena amik sume..3 beg..weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee


nak tido...mata bulat....
mari kita kira kambing....

1 kambing...2 kambing...3 kambing...4 kambing....aik....ada lembu la.........

chapter 3 - amik feel untuk mandi

snow...snow....
its actually kelemumur...bila garu2..pastu jatuh berguguran umpama snow...just like din always describe it...
saya ada snow...patut kena mandi...syampoo...syampoo...tp nk amik feel dulu...

nasik at last after 6 days...setelah nekad besama cik rina..meredah tanah llanelli yg mcm pekan mati nih...mencari halal indian food take-away...bersesat2 mencari adnan tikka kat murray street yang mmg x bejaya jumpa pn...tp..kalo dah rezeki tu...jumpa lak zara kat thomas street = eli si ular sawa...briyani udang + sambal tempe mak...heaven...

sok jumaat dah...kena keje kul 6 lagik..stress......
tp a last...norwich...final stop b4 balik...best betul...eventho...mebi xde internet dah pasni...tp...untuk 4 hari + ada diner dash...ok kot...

pasni xnk g oversea dah...for at least 6 bulan....xcept for holiday la kan...
CWT: Climatic wind tunnel...what can i say....PANAS!!!!

am i going to miss wales????

hmmm...cardiff ye kot...kena tinggal tepi jalan kat balai polis xde org.....patu jalan smpai bole lukis peta cardiff....pastu ada bunyi seagull pepagi, memula mcm sweet...tp pastu.....................rasa cam nk sembelih...bising betul..

llanelli???? terus tebayang tuna sandwich with sweetcorn...ikan disaster chef x reti masak n xtau apa itu halia...n my 1st ever nasik in wales....

nak datang sini lagi ke? hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.............susah nk jawab tuh..

tp...at least tau dah mana nak carik nasik :)


MANDI ELI.....MANDI.....

chapter 2 - they pronounce llanelli as khlanathli...

hari ini hari selasa...skang dh kul 7...
sok hari rabu....saya kena keje dr kul 6 pagi until 10 malam...bangun kul 5? no prob...mata saya mata malaysia...tp...tido kul 11? alamak...mata saya mata malaysia...
pastu hari kamis...
pastu hari jumaat...
g norwich...weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee....at last...nasik!!!!!!
pastu sabtu...jalan...pastu ahad...jalan lagi...pastu isnin...lotus!!!!
yang penting...pastu kul 4 pagi saya g airport pastu kul 6 insyaAllah...saya tebang pulang...
pastu rabu insyaAllah...sy smpai mesia...x sabar betul...pulang....

cardiff-llanelli-norwich....saya mmg sgt suka malaysia...mati kutu saya disini....

>-->-O pengsan....

saya xnk tukar mata saya jd mata uk...ngantuk dah..kul 1.41 dah...kena tido ni...hmmm...my sweet escape...tp....tiap kali bgn tido...trus rasa nk balik..cane? cane? cane?

chapter 1 - malas...

apa yg saya rasa sekarang?

saya malas nk g jauh..
saya malas nk kemas beg...
saya malas nk pk byk...
saya malas psl nnt for sure saya homesick, katilsick, tvsick, makabahsick, dinsick, sume sick ahhh....

saya cuma nak dok umah n rehat...
tgk tv...
pegi yoga...
tunggu din balik...
main ngan alya n danish..
tgk gossip girl hari rabu...
grey's anatomy hari sabtu...
tgk AXN non stop ngan E! channel gak....

saya mebi ok kalo...
mak abah ikut...
din ikut...
bole bawak astro skalik...
girafah, kucing, ngan badak jgk...

pendek kata...saya sayang comfort zone saya...n saya mmg xde mood...

eli...
igt pesan kawan2...
dapat duit kawin tu...bole buat bayar beg coach :)
motivasi...
positif...

yakin boleh...

chapter 12 - about a book and its cover

to trust...to commit...to listen...to observe...and loyalty...

people always said..don't trust a book by its cover..means that we can't trust people from what we see...we can't trust surface...

how 'bout someone that we thought we knew..we thought we can trust...but then they betray the trust? they break everything with 1 stupid reason...they just being selfish...
someone that we thought was a friend..our someone that we think can guide us..
someone that we've known for years...

for me...its important to observe...and its not wrong to be xtra careful...

if this really happens...when someone we knew is not what we think they are...should we continue...

to trust?

to stay loyal?

we always have choices...the least we can choose is to guide and to be a friend...
and remind them...that Justin Timberlake is right when he said...what goes around comes around...

XOXO...
-bantal busuk-

chapter 11 - terabai

hmmm........
............................
.....................................
..........................................
..............................................
.....................................................
.........................................................

apa lagi saya bole cakap?

-xdepe-

chapter 10 - low batt..35 mins remaining

i need to type fast..only 17% battery remains..

my pc n me..same conditions..low batt..i guess what i need now is sleep...

>-->-O eli tido..pantas2...battery dh nk abes....

eli n pc...
preparing to hibernate...

*mengarut sungguh dia nih*
*i dedicate this chapter to 'sleep'*

chapter 9 - .s.e.p.i.

my 2nd entry for today...i guess...blog ni je la tpt ngadu...
bila hati asik sedih, bila asik rasa nak marah...what sould we do?

what i did today...my mind was hibernated all day...did yoga..play with alya...n juz finish kemas bilik macam org gila...not a single habuk exist...pasni...iron baju...n then...let see...

i just want to sleep until.........until when?

until........hati x sedih lagi...

chapter 8 - empty...

zaf told me, there's a phrase in Quran saying something like, if there's a man that worth a devotion, that's a husband...

proven, seorang hubby mmg sgt tinggi darjatnya..

how to know whether we've met the right person?
is it the love that we felt?
the happiness?
the so called "chemistry"?
the way we tolerate?
the "pengorbanan"?
or the way we understand each other...

how do we know? wait until dah kahwin?

sometimes people just said, they just know its the right person...but how do they know?
ada bintang2 kat keliling muka that person ke?

n people will advice me..buat la istikarah...
i remember the last time i perform istikarah...i ended being single for 1 year...
the "happy period"

i remembered last week...RAGE..feels like "membelasah" org, hantuk kepala kat meja..
how about this week? 1st day...ok sket...sedih byk..pikir lagi byk...

eli bepikir.....eli bepikir....eli bepikir....

.... >-->O ....eli pikir smpai pengsan..

chapter 7 - earl grey, green tea, sushi and wasabe...

this is how i describe my relationship with my darling...soothing like earl grey tea, delicious like sushi and sometimes sting like wasabe...but lucky..when we mixed wasabe with japanese soy sauce, and treat it as dip for sushi...and we enjoy it with green tea...i call it perfect. but need to admit, too much wasabe sometimes can cause tears..

i know when my dindon reads this he has no idea what it feels like..since sushi, green tea and wasabe is not his type..and he just learnt about earl grey lately..but its ok...
kita mmg mcm langit ngan bumi pun..i just want u to know...

terima kasih pasal sabar dgn saya yang weng nih...
terima kasih pasal sabar dgn saya yang hangin satu badan nih...
terima kasih pasal rajin dgr saya yang terlebih cakap nih..
terima kasih pasal x penah berenti care pasal saya eventho time tu saya tgh dingdong...
terima kasih for my "zoo"..nk kangaroo ngan gajah lak pasni...zirafah pn ok gak...*hint*
terima kasih pasal selalu fikir untuk saya...

last skali...terima kasih pasal xkisah bila saya dah gebu cket..u're the best ah...


p/s: i love you...

chapter 6 - Why Mars and Venus Collide

“As I travel the world, teaching the Mars and Venus insights, I have witnessed a new trend in relationships linked to increasing stress. Both couples and singles believe they are too busy or too exhausted to resolve their relationship issues, and often think their partners are either too demanding or just too different to understand. Attempting to cope with the increasing stress of working for a living, both men and women feel neglected at home. While some couples experience increasing tension, others have just given up, sweeping their emotional needs under the carpet. They may get along, but the passion is gone.” -author of why mars n venus collide-

reading the above statement for times...thinking once, twice, 3 times...i'm stucked...i'm not supposed to think deeply, but i did..
and i'm supposed to go to ED to discuss on purge system...but i write my blog...n i should enjoying sampai syurga from faizal tahir...but instead..i questioned myself, is there such thing? sampai syurga....

chapter 5 - puzzle...

suddenly rindu nk bebel kat sini..wat to type eh...byk sgt smpai xtau mana nak stat...hmmm....

lets start with LOVE..dulu tgk cerita CINTA kat wayang sorg2 pastu nangis...x malu..dah tua bangka pn nangis...n now..there's LOVE..nak tgk ke x ye..its been a while since last wayang..before g uk lagi kot...mcm dah nak 8 bulan x tgk wayang..g sorang lagi ke? pro: kalo 'ter'nangis..x ah malu sgt..cons: org lain tgk semacam..but..who cares...

holiday..jiwa mcm dah sket kacau..jiwa kacau as in i was considering on botakkan kepala gara2 kelemumur n panas..n kat kuwait g makan 2 snickers n 2 kinder bueno 1 shot smbil tgk tv..okeh..time tu hati pedih + jiwa kacau + mati kutu n coklat murah...bila last g cuti? bandung...lama tu..uk: my so called working honeymoon? xnk include..skarang dah may...patut la mcm dah nk mengong..kena plan dah nih..nk cuti lama2..g jalan2..tp...kena kumpul duit..arghhh...

for now..mari kita mengisi masa...lets make our life more meaningful..

this song reminds me off hot tea and hari lepas hujan...
~thinking off..1 day off juz to lepak @ mana2 coffee house, minum teh panas n baca buku n hopefully time tu hari lepas hujan~

chapter 4 - home at last

hati saya melompat2 dengan gembira kerana akhirnya saya di Malaysia...

saya tersenyum...

saya tenang...

saya...


~enjoying malaysia~

chapter 3 - "stucked"

feels like dah 2 bulan kat sini..gila lama ahh..kuwait n qatar...personally i enjoy qatar more..ye ke?? sama je actually. cume qatar better psl ada wifi dlm bilik..kuwait, kena g cafe baru ada wifi..seminggu je baru..tp terasa lama giler ahh...i'm stucked here..cant wait for sunday to come..stress dah ni..

today, aredi jumaat...tomoro sabtu, and then ahad...pastu pulang..pergh...tebayang pun dah buat hati gumbira...

chapter 2 - di tanah gersang ini....

saya jet lag...saya mual...saya dah muntah sekali...saya tgh tahan mata xmo tido...sy x lalu makan...saya nak balik...saya dok kira hari...kepala saya pusing2...saya nak kambing saya...
~a bold confession of a young Proton's engineer on her 1st day of surviving GCC~

urghhh....slalu cani...homesick..seminggu je pun sempat homesick lagi...
the first 1-3 days..mmg tough ahh...g mana2 pn sama jek..stress ahhh cani...giler sejuk ekon bilik ni..dah la xleh mkn, kalo x muntah..lg ahh stress....ngantuk..tp xleh tido..kalo x jet lag...
~a grumpy young engineer on her 1st day of surviving GCC~

seminggu je li...seminggu je li...seminggu je li...u can do it...u can do it...go gal..go gal...
~the new mantra of a young engineer on her 1st day of surviving GCC~

ngantuk giler ah...pedulik ah jet lag...
Nite qatar!!!!!!!!!!

chapter 1 - Surviving GCC

skype credit: checked
account availability: checked
voipstunt credit: checked
account availability: not checked, but...ok la kot...
duit: hmmm.....bila nk dapat advance nih....
knowledge: hopefully enough la...

wisdom words: maintain la eli...seminggu je...u can do it la baby....

now: damn sleepy...time lunch td x lak ngantuk cenggini...

chapter 11 - i'm dreaming of grand canyon n enjoying nyanyian serambi

not being myself lately...

grand canyon
big orange wall...orange..i always want to go there. to witness it myself..snap a few pictures, n go back home...ever since i dreamt about it years ago...the great grand canyon...bukan ada apa pun, batu oren jek...

nyanyian serambi
one of my fav song...the only song that i agree wit abah when he said, "sedap lagu ni"....unfortunately i failed to download it until now...

andai kasturi hilang harum..
mawar x berkuntum..
cinta x bersambung..
biar emas setinggi gunung..
kan ku peluk rimbun ampun...
rahmat yg Maha Agung...

nyanyi sendiri je la...

burger shop, here i come!!!!!!!

-fin-

chapter 10 - still not happy...

EOBD to date: siap!!!!!!!! tinggal nk compile jek..woooohooooo...x sia2 segala usaha bekerja dgn penuh cergas dan bersemangat...

but still..hati x berapa hepi...nape??? ntah...

my new interest..alya n danish..haihh...cute betul budak2 tu...1 mcm bola..1 sgt cool..kalo hari2 dok umah main dgn diorg pn sanggup...rindu dah...terasa mcm nk balik..

main layang2 kt tepi laut pada waktu tgh hari di hari ahad...best...panas...layang2 senang tebang...pastu belagak hero dpn dina n kakak2 dia yg berbakat melepaskan layang2...terasa mcm hero jap...

tp...still hati x berapa hepi...

burger shop dah masuk expert story..n main without tikus...guna touch pad jek..giler terer ah...

shopaholic n baby..finally abes baca...n tgk oggy n lipas2 ahad pagi...

still hati x berapa hepi..wat should i do more?

kena g pancing udang lak kot pasni...

chapter 9 - iris

not very happy..

chapter 8 - bantal~bunga~kambing~eli

bantal: me love
bunga: me like
kambing: me miss
eli: me self

my mind is sumwhere else...arghhh!!!!!!!
tido ah..sok keje..

dear bantal,
please lessen all the kegebuan..

dear bunga,
keep it up..keep it up...wangi...bunge...

dear kambing,
stay like that..dont change yourself...walaupun kambing busuk, tp kambing kiut...

dear eli,
hehehe...silly me...

chapter 7 - counter not counting...

lately, these questions always lingering in my mind...

kenapa counter MT x count? kenapa ada delay before count? kenapa keta AT x camtu pun?
kenapa payah sgt nak set windows keta MT? kenapa? kenapa? kenapa? n last skali...sempat ke nak siap ni?

tabah eli tabah....sempat li...sempat...
nak guillaume....


nak tido...



nak cuti...



nak makan asam pedas.....

chapter 6 - hari nyepi

nothing much to write...what happened to me lately? saya sakit..demam virus..kurang dosa saya...alhamdulillah...

hmmm...i dont really like myself lately..not being independent like before. i noticed that lately i've become "eli yg spoil" again..huhhhh...

should i?

nyepi semula...

chapter 5 - nur irdina vs nur alya qasrina

the 21st and the 22nd..
the 23rd? expecting end of feb or early march...

but now...i'm torn between these two...suka...baby..suka...

chapter 4 - when i'm trying to grow up

after 1 month:
feels like a bit mature since i got back from uk (or maybe perasan diri dah mature)..but uk really taught me a lot..jiwa kacau? no more...in total control now..i've got my groove back...ingat balik dah function gredi..hehehe...eventho, every weekend pn stadi balik diagnostic...series lupa...not lemau anymore. perhaps a bit lemau but not totally...

cinta dalam hati:
(^_^) i think its obvious...perhaps not too obvious. blame it on EOBD diagnostic and...myself. i really have this "muka berkaliber dan mari kita sorokkan apa yg kita rasa" face..yeah..eli perasan lagi.cinta dalam hati?? my advice? lets be nice to everybody...

things that i miss about norwich:
satu je. kelancaran lalulintas a.k.a no traffic jam..i missed that a lot....n not to forget...malam yang panjang..a total bonus for me and my passion for sleeping..
telepas nk tgk itik kena langgar dgn keta lotus kat test track :(
what a waste....

me tonite:
i'm blessed..to have someone that loves me a lot after all these years, my "not in mood" for everything, my era of "do not disturb", the hiding and lost..
tata my comfort zone...i guessed i'm ready for something new (see...mature dah budak nih)
finally...i smiles again. what goes around really comes around..

so again..my advice people, eventho we dont know what's the best for us, be nice to everyone...and believe, that 1 day..everyone will do the same...

my advice for myself:
kalo pas ni rasa empty or sedih lagik or miserable or dlm era kegelapan or jiwa kacau or pape la...p merayu kat bos2 suh anta jauh2 n lama2 so that boleh muhasabah diri n jadi mature...
there's no such thing as xde perasaan...its just a matter of time, berani or takut, ready or tak n...ngade2 xnak hati rasa sedih..so, block sume benda..
not good....
reminder: experience is the best teacher ever...

~eli mmg dah mature...i'm so proud~

chapter 3 - i'm in peace...

at last...in peace..i lost it once but now, i found it again..in the same form but different way..my heart is smiling...

hujan lebat betul ni..hmmm...totally in peace..until.......
EOBD IAFM, BLM market, etc.... nyebok betul benda2 nih..~sigh~

~for the love of hari lepas hujan~
~remembering; i was 5, gazing at rainbow while eating rainbow ice-cream (walls)~
~imagining; another ice-cream~
~imagining....nothing...~
~in total peace~

chapter 2 - "dingdong"ing

jiwa kacau - muka stress - dingdongdingdong....

take life easily but too easily. what happened lately?
i have approximately around 1 year left to "dingdong"ing before time's out.

shoot...no idea what to write lah..

~bunyi cengkerik~
~sampai esok pagi~
~for the love of food and sleep~
~damn...mcm dah gemuk~

chapter 1 - feel

the 'want', the 'need' and the 'feel'

coldplay's fix you - when you get what you want and but not what you need.

the difference between both??? how to differentiate??? and how to feel that it is right or wrong??? the thing that we want..and what we need..
arghhh...confuse...

let's talk about feel..
maria always said, kita kena amik feel dulu before buat something..she's totally right..dengan feel itu, apa yg kita lakukan akan terasa lebih nikmat dan bersungguh..
my friend, maria, she's like the psycho that can read people's intention. the words that she always use.."aku ada feel yg...." and i'm like.."what feel? ko tgk kat mana?".."ada la. ko budak kecik. mana ko tau.."

what feel? seriously..where to look? the eye? the air muka? the body language? apa yg tersirat n tersurat? that's my weakest point..i need something direct and straight forward to understand
another close friend of mine said..since i have this ability to show 'muka stone aka emotionless face' until people think that i'm cold-hearted (that's what they call me back then..dingin, beku, xde perasaan), thats the reason why i cant read other people's emotion..
ye ke??????
pro muka stone: org xtau apa kita rasa...cons: kita xtau apa org rasa...

fair enough...
whatever lah...