chapter 7 - deep inside

deep inside i know what i want, i admit it, but to have it...i leave it to Allah. only He knows what's the best for me...

there's just no word to describe what i feel now.

sms maria buat saya sayu...
kenapa..
kita still tanya kenapa, eventho xde sape nak jawab..or even worse, xde answer pun..

salah ke kalau kita nak hope for something? even sgt ajaib la kalau apa yg kita hope tu kita dapat..
salah ke kalau kita nak start something new? walaupun kita xtau pun wujud ke tak apa yang kita nak start tu...
n salah ke kalau kita nak rasa diri kita complete? eventho kita still xtau apa yg boleh completekan kita...

kenapa kita susah nak start something new? nape kita xnak tinggalkan comfort zone kita? nape kita takut nak bagitau orang apa kita rasa? nape kita lagi rela senyap dari bercakap? nape kita penakut?

i hate to be alone, that's the reason why i live with my family n have those wonderful friend..at least i can share..

n to you my dear blog, at least, i can write my miserability...




- Coldplay Lyrics

chapter 6 - mata panjang

mata panjang - sleepy but dont want to sleep. miss my bed n tv very much..with all the binatang..badak, simga, panda...huhhh...nak tido kat umah...

this is my 1st time writing from this pc. at workshop. reason: aircond lagi sejuk. kat atas panas, n for sure surau penuh. eli membawa diri..

buka with frens the other day..mcm remaja berpeleseran di tepi jalan...kidding lah..food..ok. price sgt ok...salute hana: pandai dia cari tempat. and..i'm not good in UNO already. kaut lagu raya dari isma..next week ringtone nak letak lagu raya. bagi ada feel sket..huuuhuuuuu...

mata x panjang dah. menaip ni mmg bagus utk ubat mata..

this coming jumaat. mak's birthday...stil xde idea utk present. kalo ada idea pun, bila tah nak beli..nak bagi apa ye..bagi hati dan perasaan je la..ok gak tuh..dah la tgh ketandusan hati dan perasaan ni..tp..baru staun ngadap enjen..aduhhh....

nak lari la...nak nyorok...dok bawah meja ke..kusi ke...dlm lemari ke..pancit dah ni..sakit pinggang gak..umur, x masuk 24 lagik..
nk katil..golek2..pk pasal katil je, trus rasa best..senyum sorg2..flip flop...ati bunga2...penuh harapan...hepi...

eli mengong..

chapter 5 - in the month of ramadhan

i just notice this yesterday, ramadhan made me feels something inside..it can't be described..i recall my ramadhan years ago, at hostel, at uni...sahur with frens, buka with frens...the 'pancit'ness we felt when we over used our energy..my ramadhan two years ago.. mak, abah n ancun involved with accident..the most chaotic ramadhan ever...and the most not 'raya' ever..moments when i did my shopping for raya with anak2..its actually the raya preparation for the whole family. terasa macam dah ada family sendiri.

and my ramadhan last year, 1st ramadhan as a proton employee. ok la..1st ramadhan i actually kerja..this year, just like years before..there's something inside of me..and it only appears in the month of ramadhan. the feelings of 'ntah la'.

one thing that i like about ramadhan in my house is...dodol..the smell of asap n dodol n abang2 yang nak dpt fit body for raya (kacau dodol). i just can't imagine a ramadhan without dodol..dari kecik dah ada..since i can remember..even now, anak2 can complaint if there's no dodol..cucu sunar...

but this ramadhan, there's nurin's case..it made me speechless...nape ada org kejam cmtu? even animals won't treat others like that..i won't call that orang animal, but much worse than animal...usually i dont know what to wish for, but in this ramadhan, i wish, i pray, i hope for this world to be a better place, for everybody to be a better person, for no more brutallity on children, n for people to actually think. Allah gives us brain and wisdom to think..i wish for people to think with both brain and heart..

hopefully, everything is gonna be ok after this. guess, need to get ready..buka with da gals tonite..

and for all i still have, i really thank Allah for this.

chapter 4 - dim light in powertrain office

one week without centrizine(ubat resdung eli) is just too much for me..i can feel the ulat2 resdung partying inside my nose..yesterday, eli out. ulat resdung conquer everything. luckily, i've got my centrizine yesterday evening(klinik baru dapat stock - Alhamdulillah)..

i try to avoid seafood as good as i could. i avoid udang, sotong, everything...xcept udang mentah 2 ekor atas sushi..wat to do..nama pun sushi udang..but the thing is, how can i avoid seafood?
malay food..belacan wajib, udang kering wajib, ikan bilis wajib...dlm smbal tumis ada udang kering, char kuey teow ada air udang..see...if i need to avoid everything, nak makan apa? sedih betul ni....
so, the conclusion is, makan je apa yg patut n then makan centrizine...so, eli hepi...ulat2 pun hepi, klinik lagi la hepi...proton je sedih, psl kena bayar centrizine tu..

tomolo, eli cuti...so blog, see u in one week..may i have a pleasant cuti..

p/s:
pirate poppers: suddenly dah level 56. ada org kenit mainkan time eli tgh tido..thank u org kenit...

p p/s:
cinta/kasih zulaika by mawi: lagu tu nyanyi2 dalam kepala saya ni...cane...

chapter 4 - in my pink pyjama

what is real life?
according to forrest gump, life is like a box of chocolate..we'll never know what we'll get.

last nite i went to nuri's, for our merdeka bbq. one year has passed. some remain the same, and some may not..after all, we all still have our life..and be grateful for that.

is it wrong to hope for something that is beyond our reach? i'm not hoping for a falling star or the moon...it's just to high. and i'm short. i admit that. even with heels..i'm still not that tall.

i'm hoping for one thing..one simple thing. waiting for it. with all the patience i have. it's not impossible, it's simple..not that simple actually, but not really complicated..but it need patience, a lot of patience and faith...

i feel down sometimes. feels like i'm waiting for something that will never happen. feels like i'm actually hoping that the moon will falls on me. but the truth is, i'm only hoping for...for a good life, for comfort, and for care...

and also, i'm hoping for one simple shoe..for now, i'll cherish my selipar jepun.

in my pink pyjama, a real life for me is how we live our life. the decisions we made, the mistakes we learn, the smile we have, our hope and faith, and how we want to be remembered.
and it is not wrong to hope for something that is beyond our reach..perhaps, there's miracle..and if we don't get it..we are just human, we can't control everything..

in my pink pyjama, i will keep my patience, watch one tree hill tonite, and hoping for that one thing to happen...even in dreams..