chapter 3 - no place to sleep

i'm not that sleepy actually, juz need to lie down...
its so cold today, n my brain just not functioning very well..i really need to lie down...

lets talk about plan..one simple word..plan

do we need to plan our life?
like...when to get married, what to do in the next 5 years, bla..bla...bla..

my uni course was electrical power, i wasn't planning to take it, the only reason i took it was, it sounds good..electrical power..
than, i started to plan my life...after study i wanna work at power plant or to do something relevant with electrical power, but i ended up working with car company n calibrating engine..i planned to get married early, like 25, but...now i'm 24, being single and quite happy with my life (xcept when mum kept asking bout u know what)..

so..what's the point of planning when there will always be the unplanned things in our life..
can someone tell me?
should we plan? or should we just live our life, follow the flow?

when the unplan things happen, do we need to replan?
confusing huhh?


when we make someone else happy, we will be happy too...
betul kan?

chapter 2 - finding the right pair of shoe

i used the word right instead of perfect since, for me, there's no such thing..a perfect shoe..
a pair of shoe, no matter how it fits our feet, eventually it'll hurt us sometimes..
what makes a shoe right for us?
some may say its the look, for some it will be the price or brand, and else will say its the comfort the shoe brings..

once, i had this, the right pair of shoe, i own it for few years..it wasn't perfect, it hurts my feet sometimes, but for me, it was an ideal shoe..the comfort, the style..everything...but, as time goes by, the shoe doesn't feels right anymore..the bottom cracked, the top ripped, it just happened..it can be repaired, but it will not feels or looks the same. it doesn't mean that i'm not appreciating, i was..and i still remember it sometimes. my first right pair of shoe..

i'm still finding my right pair of shoe..what matters the most for me is the comfort. it has to be simple and comforting. and fits me well. it don't need to be expensive or stylish..

i've found a shoe, that might be right, but i couldn't try it..in fear of what it'll feels..will it be comfort like my previous shoe or will it be better or worse. all i do is just look at it..n do nothing..absolutely nothing..

i'm just hoping that if one day, if there's any opportunity for me to try on a pair of shoe, any shoe, i hope it'll fit me well..it doesn't need to be perfect..it just need to be right.

and for those who already found their right pair of shoe, appreciate it, as to find another pair of the right shoe is not as easy as it may sound..
for those who still searching, good luck..we really need it.

p/s:
this comes from someone who is younger than me;

'semua relationship kita yg broken, actually buat kita sedar, org yg macam mana yg sesuai utk kita..so that kita boleh cari org yg fits kita..'

same with shoes...

chapter 1 - unintended

in the silence i can hear u say
the river runs and the river hides
out to the oceans and under the sky
i promise you the answer will come
hold on to patience and watch for the sign
everything in its time...

me n my sister always said this "tgk..abah tgh berbicara dgn alam"
last weekend, i do a lot of "berbicara dgn alam", forget cartoon, beaches are much better than tv..thanks to abah, eli likes nature a lot...kalau la ada kawan sekepala time tu, rasanya smpai dah pulau kapas tu, tgk penyu..1 day, i want to chandat sotong..hmmm...imagining, my 1st sotong ever..nak amik gambar, pastu framekan..nice...

during last weekend also, i agreed with isma on the 'rindu n network' thing..lucky there's maria. ngadu time..at that very moment, rindu strikes me a lot. and at that very moment, i felt alone..the feeling that i need someone just to sit besides me..the unplanned things has happened..

i plan to stay in this comfort zone..tp..just like i said, its unintended. we'll see what will happen..but for now, kita kena pandai sorokkan perasaan. its hard, but it needs to be done..

1300 hours, pirate poppers :)

chapter 12 - when it doesn't feels right

i should pack my bag for a trip...
but my head suddenly feels empty..dunno where to stop..i just pack..and pack and keep on going until...now...after an absolute over packed issue..
1 prob solve...thanks to ancun n mum...selamat neo ku dari kesunyian...

it just, i don't feels right..with everything...in this case, not in the rite mood...pms kot..

i'm confuse again...but this time, not with myself, i'm in a total control, but with people around me...not all but number of them..

n now tetiba nak nangis...sah pms...
n suddenly feels like writing this is just a waste of time n i should continue packing...


"rindu tu, tak ikut network (phone)...tak kira la ada line ke, takde line ke, kalo dah rindu tu, rindu jugak"
-isma-

that was isma's answer when i ask her sthing on rindu n network (maria's prob), guess..rindu has no border..n it makes me wonder...does the person we rindu really worth it?

my bed worth it..thats for sure... :)

chapter 11 - a girl named eli...

yesterday, i forgot to bring my handphone for like the 70th time. so, i did some muhasabah diri on myself..
this is my summary as a result of the muhasabah diri activity..the things that i'm xtremely into

- black
i want batman as my boyfriend becoz of the black outfit + mysterious personality. black handphone, black shirt, black baju kurung, black heels, hitam itu menawan. diana once said, "eli...u need to colour up your life". so i bought a dark chocolate shirt..n thanks to my mum for adding more colours in my life.

- a box called TV
if i can marry tv, all my problems are solved. my mum won't ask anything regarding "boyfriend" anymore.

- my bed
its a true love story, eli n her bed. usually, the 1st nite i spend without my bed will be a sleepless nite. but only the 1st nite la, since...

- sleep
i love sleeping more. sleeping from my sister's point of view is a sweet escape. totally 170% agree.

- readings
fav: story books n comics. other: so-so. the real ulat buku is in town. as long as there's huruf2 bertaburan, i'll read it..no wonder i have this rabun jauh since standard 4.

- sweets
the "keracunan gula" syndrome. symptoms: hyperactive, a bit mengong..all sweets included. priority, chocolate (blame it on abah), lolipop (chupachup choc vanilla..wahhh). why anak2 love my room? because, there's always sweets in there.

- beras
once, my cita2 is to be a tauke kilang beras (i did admit it in a small gathering with my juniors - 100+ person)..n all my friends thought i worked with bernas. but, alhamdullillah, as i get older, i realize that my teeth are not as strong as before.

- mandi
its either mandi? weee or mandi? what's that? confuse huhh? its ok..me also

- water
hydrophobic. no more to say

- tarik rambut
my mum always says,"botak nnt asik tarik rambut je" but...habit already, what to do

- the magic word: SALE
need to say more? if cannot shopping, window shopping also can la...

- lingerie
maria did ask before,"yang ko nak bli byk2, lain2 ni utk apa? bukannye org nmpak pun..." my answer was,"yg penting, kepuasan diri". n the sales gal said,"kita pkai hali2 punya, takpa loh" pandai sales gal tu...

- the word "elibaik"
eli mmg baik apa...

- spicy food
i can feel volcano in my stomach, sesema (sroot, sroot)..tp, kalo x pedas, x kick la...

- forgetfull + misplace
once, this was my biggest prob, so i invent a system for myself. that's why, my things n my life are so teratur (kot). a system that works since my 3rd month in boarding school. the first 3 month, hampas. now, even my mum terharu when she looked at how i organize my stuff in my closet.

- being mengarut..
is there's a cure for this?

- seafood.
lalalalalalala...resdung? apa tu?

- singing n dancing while driving
level: chronic. bulan puasa, fed hiway (PJ area), jammed thp max (buka dalam keta): eli: listening, sing and dance along paris hilton's nothing in this world.. until: "alamak, pakcik keta seblah ni tengok..aduu...awat dia sengih2..malu2..."
unfortunately, cannot run. jammed...buat muka steering..sy x salah...

- coffee
minum smpai hanged...nice... -the ultimate @ coffee bean-

- lets fight whiteheads n blackheads on our face
who wants me to picit their muka, juz give me a call...maria? nak? hehehehe...pipi x kaco, just dahi, kat area2 telinga tu...ok?

so...this is me...n the things that i'm extremely into...
lets us all be a better person..

chapter 10 - pursuit of happiness

happiness comes in so many kinds:

- in company of good friends, in making someone else's dream comes true, or in hoping that happiness is just a minute away..

for me...as long as there's happiness in this life, its ok...

lately, i'm so into lagu jiwang...nomally, i'm not so into acha n irwansyah, but now ada cinta is one of my fav song...listening to it now, n also kekasih gelapku...scary eli...

why am i behaving like this? i ask my sifu - maria (since i'm slow with this kind of thing and my friends used to interpret everything to me)

maria said, if i like red suddenly (eli = anti red) meaning that i'm in love...
if i like pink, ready to be in love...white, lonely...black, confuse...blue, in peace...

black, i'm obsess with black so cannot take into account. otherwise, i will be in confusion all the time (tp, mcm betul je)...red, once i nearly bought a red bag, but lucky my mum stopped me (cantik beg tu)...pink, crazy with bright pink now, pink sling bag from bali, pink pashmina, pink tudung, pink ahum2, eli pinkie....white, love white, kinda sama taraf with black...blue, laut? nice....

so what's the summary?
i like colours... (damn maria baca sure dia hangin-summary yg sungguh lurus)

but the thing is, when i said "maria, aku suka lagu jiwang skang, aku dah berubah..."
she called, juz to laugh...but not too suprised, i was sick at love songs before...

happiness for me?
perhaps its when i feel my life and myself is complete...


p/s: action plan section in my kpi still empty...go eli go...