chapter 9 - my life is brilliant....

where to start....(mood:listening to James Blunt-You're beautiful..over n over again)

with all my confusion, my lost, my fear, my heart broken, my wishes....i would say, my life is brilliant....
i was scared of risk, scared of hope, scared of opening my heart....still scared of letting people see what i feel inside....i'm learning...i'm being strong...i'm being me... (james blunt kept saying "you're beautiful" to me:my heart flipped)

i am...not physically...but inside..i know i'm beautiful....i'm not perfect...i'm learning to be better....i do hurt people sometimes...not intentionally...still...i do hurt people....people who loves me....

dare to risk....
dare to hope....
dare to be hurt....
i do let my heart open lately...i'm not lost anymore...but...seems like i'm going to be hurt...again...but this time...i'll prepare myself...i won't be like before...i'm stronger now...i've learn the hard way....i don't want to be lost again...

and i will say...hurt is like my middle name...i'm so used to it...until...i don't care about it anymore...it teaches me....to live in my brilliant life....

i'm moving on...i'm not confused....i'm not lost....i'm the new me....life is hurt...love is hurt...risk is hurt...hope is hurt....but...not being myself, being lost, living in confusion and fear...hurts me more....

my life...with what i've got now...with the risk of getting hurt again...is brilliant....


p/s: feel so much better now....not scared of getting hurt anymore...hurt is hurt...it'll makes me sad...it'll makes me cry....but its part of my life...

chapter 8 - dare to risk...

lately, in my life....i dont dare to risk, to hope, to reveal my heart....afraid of getting hurt again...until, lastnite..someone reminds me, the importance of having risk and hope in our life...the importance and the true meaning of loving someone...

that someone said that without hope in our live is like we pray for something that we are not hoping of..
i guess...i need learn to risk and to hope and to trust and to open my heart...again...
loving someone...is to hope...

To laugh is to risk appearing a fool,
To weep is to risk appearing sentimental
To reach out to another is to risk involvement,
To expose feelings is to risk exposing your true self
To place your ideas and dreams before a crowd is to risk their loss
To love is to risk not being loved in return,
To hope is to risk despair,
To try is to risk to failure.
But risks must be taken because the greatest hazard in life is to risk nothing.
The person who risks nothing, does nothing, has nothing is nothing.
He may avoid suffering and sorrow,
But he cannot learn, feel, change, grow or live.
Chained by his servitude he is a slave who has forfeited all freedom.
Only a person who risks is free.
The pessimist complains about the wind;
The optimist expects it to change;
And the realist adjusts the sails.

William Arthur Ward, "To Risk"

and life..is all 'bout risk

chapter 7 - simple...

simple things we asked for in life...

*happiness
*someone to be with
*enough money
*peace
*free
*friends
*to be accept
*food
*shoe
*sale
*and many more simple things......

add it all together...
simply...we asked for..happiness....

so....what should we do to obtain happiness?

its simple....
just be simple....

am i happy?
currently...i have all my simple wishes with me.....

chapter 6 - thinking....

i dedicate this chapter to those who done a lot of thinking in their life lately...
thinkin about self, about work, about wolrd, about pollution, about money,..., about choices that they cannot decide....

living in confusion, lost, is basically not a proper way to live...torn between choices...afraid of being lonely...lost in self....there's a way out..for every problem...for every choices....but still we refuse to choose it....why is that happen...we choose to live in confusion...

we think logically...do some pros n cons...we list things....the consequences.... apart of these...we search deep in our heart...what we feel....how we react...but what will happen if...there's conflict between our heart n our mind?

we will still be confused....

so...do we still need to think? to choose? if in the end...we are still confuse?

hmmm.....what i'm thinking now?
it's lunch time... :) and it's friday....i guess...i'm a light thinker...

chapter 5 - waiting....

we've all been waiting for something....for wishes to be granted....for someone to save us....for all the times to come....waiting for anything...everything....and for some special cases...waiting for nothing....

in my case now...at this very moment...i'm waiting for the clock to strike 4.30, so that i can run my test (part of my job scope) and hoping that i can finish it before 5.30, which is quite impossible.....but all i can do now is wait...

while i'm waiting, wishing for the time to pass-by quickly, there's others.... wishing for the time to pass-by slowly...

i guess...we're all being selfish sometimes....there will be a time, when all we think of....is ourselves....

still waiting....

chapter 4 - breath...

it took me a long time to start writing this chapter....digging inside to know what exactly i feel in this exact moment......nothing.....

and i start to think...why aren't i feel anything now...anxious? nervous? emptyness?

at this exact moment...at this exact time...all i do is typing, thinking my next word and breath....
and to be honest..i'm quite suprise...despite my feelingless emotion, i manage to write this much...suddenly a question popped into my mind...

what if...u got everything that u want in your life?

what will u feel at that very moment?

but i'm sure...we will only be able to feel only if we're still breathing.....